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  1. #1
    failed_attempt is offline
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    Default Immature Older Sister


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    Anyway... This period of my life isn't exactly as smooth as it could be so depression is a major factor... I'm on antidepressants, and I'm still currently a self-mutilator. I'm working on it though...

    Okay, my sister is 19 going on 20 and she must always have 100% of Mom's attention or she gets pissed! Mom even says that she's jealous of me because of my "musical abilities".

    Well... I was on the computer writing music and my sister demands that she gets on. I told her she could wait thirty minutes and she got so upset! She starts crying and walking around slamming doors. Honestly it was frightening! Then she comes and makes terrible statments that I "cry boo-hoo" whenever I don't get my way. (Remember, she's the only one in tears here.) She said that the only reason why I'm medicated and I cut was for attention! She says I use depression as a crutch to get more attention!

    I'm pissed at this point, because, (1.) I don't 'act' depressed for attention, (2.) they've seen scars (I try to hide them) but I've never cut in front of anyone, and (3.) as my sister, I thought she would be supportive of me.

    So I told her about herself! And since then (I think it's been 4 days now) she's avoided me. But she's trying the new exclusion thing. It's where she gets Mom to give her 100% attention and my OTHER sister to give her 100% attention (dad is never really involved) and I'm left excluded.

    I'm just so mad right now because she's 19 years old and she acts like she's 5! It's terrible how she follows Mom around saying and doing stupid and foolish things just for her attention and trying her best to flaunt her grades and knowlendge (she's the 'smart' one). Mom can't smile at me or hug me without there being any negativity from my sister. Whenever she's home from college is the absolute worst because the relationship with my Mom must "pause". Summers are terrible!

    Can someone please help me with this?


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  2. #2
    EntertheDarknes is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    Maybe you should talk to your mom about your sister see what she adivises you.. Another thing you could do is ignore her.. she seems to be kindah mean.. Like why would she comment on the depression and stuff. And just know like it all good cuz you have things she wants and thats the only reason she is acting out..
    I hope that helps..
    And if you dont mind me ask how come you do that?

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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    People don't act depressed for attention. Occasionally, behaviours such as cutting will be for attention, but this is an issue on so many levels. Your sister's allegation is wrong; you seem to be minding your own business, while she's the one trying to hog the attention.

    I'd recommend you start by talking to your mom and expressing your concern about how your sister treats you and others when she comes home. Hopefully the two of you can openly discuss this issue, and find some ways to assure that you're still treated well. If nothing else, your mom will have a head's up to how you're feeling, and can better understand how things happen. Perhaps she can make a more conscious effort to spend time with you when your sister is home, too (realizing that your mom may devote more time to your sister now because you're home year-round but your sister is only home occasionally). Then, I'd recommend talking to your sister. This may be hard, but it's best to communicate with her. You can tell her "Sis, I really love you, but I don't like the way you treat me when you come home. The accusations you make that I'm just trying to get attention hurt me, because it's not the truth. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone made accusations about you. If you could stop the accusations, that would be great."
    hehe
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  4. #4
    failed_attempt is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    Quote Originally Posted by EntertheDarknes View Post
    And if you dont mind me ask how come you do that?
    The cutting? Um... Actually it's a huge story so here's the short version: Dad's an alcoholic and I'm my parents only son. So I was always isolated since Dad was never really involved and I felt hurt by him and my family because of this isolation. I was experimenting with a knife and the cutting began that way. I don't really know why I went that way to be honest. So I talked to a "trusted" adult about it and he tried to help me but then he quit. That really hurt. I have to see this "trusted" adult everyday and it hurts to think that this person said he was my friend but we don't even say hello anymore... So I'm still cutting.

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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    Quote Originally Posted by failed_attempt View Post
    The cutting? Um... Actually it's a huge story so here's the short version: Dad's an alcoholic and I'm my parents only son. So I was always isolated since Dad was never really involved and I felt hurt by him and my family because of this isolation. I was experimenting with a knife and the cutting began that way. I talked to a "trusted" adult and he tried to help me but then he quit and that really hurt. I don't really know why I went that way to be honest. I have to see this "trusted" adult everyday and it hurts to think that this person said he was my friend but we don't even say hello anymore... So I'm still cutting.
    Perhaps you could find another trusted adult--one that won't ditch you. Or you could let the other adult know that it really hurt you when he stopped talking with you. But I think talking through this with an adult would help a lot, because you have feelings that you can talk through. An adult can provide advice, help you understand your own situation, and provide encouragement. A teacher, school counselor, clergyperson, relative, or other adult you trust could serve as a good person to talk to. Let them know ahead of time that you really need them to stick with you, given what happened last time.

    Also, I'm not sure if I'm picking this up correctly, but it sounds like you're cutting in part because your previously trusted adult is no longer helping you. First of all, if he's blowing you off, don't let him "win" by allowing him action to harm you. Instead, try to make a comittment to yourself to be strong. And secondly, this person didn't make you cut yourself; only you can cut yourself. Again, it wasn't clear to me if you were taking responsibility for it or not. If you are, that's a good first step towards solving this; if you aren't, I hope you realize that while other factors may affect your mood or feelings, it's ultimately you who decides to cut yourself.

    Nonetheless, it seems that your cutting stems from your emotions, such as your dad being an alcoholic and your feelings of isolation. I would encourage you to find another way to vent these emotions--such as through exercise, fresh air, listening to music, playing an instrument, composing music, writing in a journal, painting, or drawing--and through becoming more involved in other aspects of your community, such as through activities at your school and through volunteering or a job. If you have an outlet for your emotions and plenty of things to do with your time, you're less likely to spend your time cutting.
    hehe
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  6. #6
    EntertheDarknes is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    I agree maybe you should find someone that you trust or think you can talk to. It could be a trusted adult, or someone on Govteen.. you could even talk to me if you want. And as for the cutting part and the alchoholic dad have you ever talked to your parents about it. If I read this correctly they know that you do it.. So maybe even if you talked to your mom since she knows then she could get you help. Maybe you should even talk to the person you think you can talk to about that adult... becuse as hehe said it seems also that some of the pain you feel is caused by that person deserting you.....
    I hope that helps.. If you do wanna talk.. just messege or something.

  7. #7
    MarkGoesMao is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    yeah talk to your parents they should be able to help. if not then ask them if she could possibly go through therapy if it worsens.
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  8. #8
    failed_attempt is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    The funny thing is; this person who I trusted happened to be both a teacher AND clergyman. So after that I decided not to trust any adults anymore. And it's gotten pretty bad between me and him. I told him how I felt about what he did and I guess he was angry with me for being angry with him so he expressed his anger by over-exerting his power as a teacher over me... And we've been having meetings with the principal and my Mom and he said that he screwed up and there is nothing he could say that would justify it. He wishes that it could go back to when we were pretty close but he wasn't super involved. I'm frustrated because I don't know whether to meet him half way or totally close him out.

    I was cutting before this person abandoned me so he's not the cause of it. I thought I was making great progress with this "friend" (as he put it) but then things just got terrible! And I can't talk to Mom. I pretty much tell her the least of my problems because she always gets so upset when I tell her that I'm upset so I just don't tell her if I'm upset.

    But this thing with my sister... I know Mom should be happy that my sisters come home so they should get more attention. But Mom is a first grade teacher and she HAS to outdo all of the teachers in the whole school. So she spends all her time at the school and she usually doesn't get home till dark, and she's the only person I know who goes on the weekends. And the only time my sisters come home is for a break when Mom doesn't have to do anything. I'm home all the time and I never seem to get much attention from Mom because most of the time their is school where she's working super hard or we are on break when my sisters come home.

    I guess I'm SOL with every situation.

  9. #9
    benz1 is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    As for talking with your mom, I would right her a letter and put it on her bed or somewhere you'll def see it and I would be out of the hosue when you know she is going to read it so she has some alone time to think about what you said..... Just spill your guts in a letter and go from there.

    Im the only boy in my family with two other sisters and it does seem like they get all the attention from my parents. My dad has confronted me about my whole sexuality thing abd he told me it was unnexceptable for men to have feelings for eachother which just pissed me so I have kind of blocked him out of my life besides the areas I need him in.

    For your "friend" I would leave it alone for a while and just think it out and just go with how you really feel about everything.
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  10. #10
    LadySelena is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    I agree with talking to your mom about this.
    Your sister is exactly like mine, and she's already 20. And shes turning 21 this year.
    My sister gets attention by screaming and cursing and slamming doors. She's has broken her door around 5-6 times already...
    So talk to your mom about this, but don't yell at your mom, that might get her a little irraited.

    Does your school have a student counsiler? If it does, make an appointment with her/him.
    My friend was depressed around October, and still on, and she talks to the conciler every week, and is actually really better..
    See that, your internet just got its ass kicked.


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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    fuck that shit.

    since your mom is the center of attention-giving, and your sisters get mad, then get really close with your dad. they will be jealous. then you will be able to find out if your sister wants attention or if she wants to compete with you.

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    The Mysoginator is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    Quote Originally Posted by SGenn83 View Post
    since your mom is the center of attention-giving, and your sisters get mad, then get really close with your dad. they will be jealous. then you will be able to find out if your sister wants attention or if she wants to compete with you.
    I like that idea. Not sure what you could do with the information but you may find it interesting all the same
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  13. #13
    failed_attempt is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    Quote Originally Posted by SGenn83 View Post

    since your mom is the center of attention-giving, and your sisters get mad, then get really close with your dad. they will be jealous. then you will be able to find out if your sister wants attention or if she wants to compete with you.
    Actually it's just one sister that gets extremely angry when she see's Mom pat me on the back or ask me how my day was. My dad's a drunk and I don't think I can get close to him when he's always drunk. Me and him are pretty cool when he's sober but that doesn't happen often.

  14. #14
    D73
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    She sounds really immature for a 19 year old. I would let her know that she really needs to group the f- up.

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    Tommy67 is offline
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    Default Re: Immature Older Sister

    Man I feel for you, thats heavy.
    Maybe try to look for a father figure in a friends Dad or that teacher like you said.
    Tell your sister how hard your life is at the moment and make her realise that her immature acts are very detrimental to your health.
    Try to connect with your mother and discuss your "issue" with her.
    As for your father, distance yourself from him and see if he makes an attempt at changing his ways, if not no big loss.
    I hope it all goes well.

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