Should I force myself to go after someone?

[Elijah]

I've been feeling kind of emotionally dead for the last week or so for a few reasons. One reason being a girl I kind of liked but could never decide exactly how I felt about her started going out with someone. Another reason is that another girl I liked a bit more but still not too much has been posting a ton of shit on Facebook about how happy she is to have been with her boyfriend for a year now...they seem to be very happy with their boyfriends. I feel like I'd be a much happier person if I had a girlfriend myself.

The problem is, I just can't seem to find anyone I like too much. And if I did, she would most likely not feel the same way. Even worse after that is if she actually did say yes, I'd be clueless as to where to go from there. Where would I go on dates? How would I make things less awkward?

I've given most of my spare time for the last 2 years now to the internet and while I never really had social skills to begin with, they certainly haven't grown (I wouldn't say they got worse though). I'm not a particularly awkward guy - well, yes, I am, but I have a decent amount of female friends but I don't really feel anything more toward them and they don't feel anything more to me. I seem to be a good friend to girls but definitely not worth anything more to them....

Basically what I'm asking here is, is it worth it to try and get attached to a girl in an attempt to get a girlfriend? If I succeeded (unlikely), I would be clueless on what to do from there. Or is it just better to sit here some more and just feel miserable until I just suddenly find someone?

[Sic]

Boy where do I start. With the first girl -- that'll be a lesson learned. Act sooner =P.

With the second, well...she's been with the same dude for a year and is super happy. You (or anyone else) didn't have a shot with her.

It's important for you to note that girlfriends do not fart happiness. If you're unhappy, getting a girlfriend will not magically make you happy. It just doesn't work like that. You'll find that you'll get a girlfriend when you are happy, not when you want to be.

Now, think back. You said that you had crushes on both of the girls mentioned above. Did you go looking for someone to have a crush on? No, I didn't think so. That's not what you're going to go attempt to do either. One does not go looking for a girl to fall in love with. Well...they do...but it doesn't really work too well.

I think what you need to do is work on you. Take a more introverted look at yourself. You need more confidence, for starters. If you go in with the attitude that none of your crushes will ever like you back then they won't. That's why we have courting. You have to court them.

I'm not going to answer you other questions about what to do when you finally get the girl, because you're not ready to be thinking about those steps yet. I don't mean any offense by that, don't get me wrong. But you need to be a little bit more comfortable with yourself before someone else can.

Originally Posted by Elijah

Or is it just better to sit here some more and just feel miserable until I just suddenly find someone?

Now I'm sure that's not REALLY the question you tried to ask, because it really doesn't make sense. Unless the person you find is your mother, sitting there and waiting will only produce more threads on GovTeen.

One does not "try" to get attached. What you need to do is go hang out with all your girl buddies and just go have fun. Don't have any hidden agenda. Don't force yourself to like someone. You don't need a girlfriend to be happy. Go out and be social and improve those social skills so that when you do need them, you'll have them.

[Scoobyfan]

I'll put it like this, if you "force" yourself into liking someone, you probably wont be satisfied in the end.

When you say you don't know where to go from there, it's easy. Go on dates? Just ask her where she likes to go, and try and make the moves because 80% of women prefer it when the guy will take the first move.