Back in the closet (HELP)

[Ptrick91]

Hey, this is my first post here in about 4 years!

****I am aware that this is not technically PHYSICAL puberty, but it has alot to do with mental puberty and gay stuff so please dont close this because it can be very important to gay or curious boys on this form of all ages........

Well I figured out I was gay about 4 years ago, and have had several long term bfs since. Well About a year and a half ago I came out to my parents. My dad was not pleased but was not ashamed or angry about it, he wanted me to be happy. But my mom was totally against it and for the next couple weeks acted crazy and said things like she regretted having me (her only child), and I wasnt allowed to have any contact with my boyfriend (which became a reality). She even told me that when I was little she sent me to several therapists and camps that were supposed to keep me from being gay. Even though I assured her that I was the same person and wanted to go to college and be successful, she told me that I had to choose to "try and be straight" or to leave after high school with no job, no car, no money, no food, no college, no home. My dad just said to try because I had so much to loose and he did not have the money in the fam. So I have been forced back into the closet with a fake girlfriend for almost to years. All of my friends know and I have a great boyfriend who I can barely see in order to keep up the lie. I got in a big car crash where my car was totalled and it was my fault, I called her shaken up, devistated that I hurt her car and my future grad. gift. She said " I forgive you if you are straight."

When my last boyfriend was kicked out for the same reason, I litterally had to support him and find him a job and a place to live and pay his rent, all without my parents knowing. I even slept in the homeless shelter with him some nights because he was so sad..... Well this is a side note but it turned out he was using me for 17 months and took off with thousands of my hard earned dollars. This hurt, but not as much as the lies I have to tell my parents EVERY SINGLE DAY. It kills me every lie, but I dont know what to do.

I thought it would get easier, but it hasent, it gets worse. I am living at home while I go to college for the next 2 years, so I have to see them all the time. I tell them at least 10 lies a day, I have to. The funny thing is that I used to lie to make my mom happy, so that she thinks she has the perfect son she's always wanted, not out of weakness or greed or evasion. I want to give her the happieness she gave me as a child. But I dont know how much longer I can.

Please any advice you can give, or even email me. I need it, I feel like I am on the edge of a breakdown.

Thanks you guys!
-Ptrick91

[kryptonite_2007]

Wow. Be yourself. No more lies. That is where you begin.

[jakeybabes]

Wow, you have had a really tough time, i feel so sorry for you.

if you want an IM hug and a chat to get things off your chest PM me.

[Kyle96]

Wow, as a guy who kinda feels as you do and is curious, I almost teared up reading this post. It scares me and I wonder how you have managed as long as you have. I wish I could help you i really do, sooner or later you will have to tell them and they will choose to accept you or not.

I dont think you can now, your boyfriend needs you and if you are put in the same position as him it could get really bad. You should bite the bullet and get through college so you can get a good job, because then you can make your own choices and live your own life.

Im sorry man i wish I could tell you more, this really scares me and I hope things get better for you

[BioHazardMan]

Y'know it's people like your mom that piss me off. I'm not personally gay, but I think everyone should have the right to chose the sex they are attracted to and can be with. I really hope things change and it becomes a social norm soon. If you need any support, feel free to drop me a message man.

[wildandwilling]

to be honest your mum sounds like a bitch, if i was you dont tell her your gay, accept the money for college leave her with the debt, then when you graduate bring your boyfriend home to show her at least then you dont have anything to lose

[joshskates]

Double Post, Why?

http://forums.govteen.com/showthread.php?t=302111

[Laylarlalou]

This is just craziness! How about you move out or do nothing! Stop brining up the subject and if she forces an answer say, "do you really want the answer i am about to give?" She will then walk out and after a while will not bring it up again! I know this is a really poor answer but who knows, it may work!

[boxerman]

Wow! Well it sounds like your mother needs a little reality check. I have notice some things about mothers. They all seem to over react. If your father is fine with it, you are fine. You do need to come out with the turth. I suggest that you have some other people so it is just not you and your mother. Have one of your grandparents there. I assume you are still under 18, so she can't kick you out legally speaking. Hope this helps

[Sic]

Okay let's stop bashing his parents because that's really not very constructive.

You didn't mention how old you are in your post, but since you came out 4 years ago with a boyfriend, you drive, and the car you crashed was a graduation gift, I'm assuming you're approaching the end of your high school career.

My advice is just eat it until you move away to school. Then you're free. Go to school that's not near home too! Also, in the meantime, tell your parents you want to see a psychiatrist. Tell them you want him to give you some insight on how to curve your gay thoughts. Then, when you get there, seek advice on how the hell you should be dealing with the shit that's being dumped on you.

That's my opinion. I really don't have any experience with coming out or any of the stuff that goes along with being gay, but if I had to guess, that's probably what I would do.

Your mom is going to be a tough nut to crack. For that reason, I think professional advice is going to be (like always) the best advice.

[Jack-kun]

Originally Posted by sic

Okay let's stop bashing his parents because that's really not very constructive.

I'm afraid I can see good reason for his parents to be discussed here.

--
To be honest what you said actually hurts me (not towards you). First of all it's a breach of human rights for be preventing from who you are. If your mother feels that she has the right to control your sexuality then she's wrong and its wrong for someone to manipulate your life in a way someone else seems it fit. If she is a very strong Christian or another religion then there's some leeway to how she feels but not that much.
This may be a case where ignorance is bliss. You should do what you want to do and if you want to spend time with your boyfriend then do, and don't feel bad towards your mother for it. If you can drive now then I would assume you can move out and may be a good idea for you at this point.

As well as this, you can not turn yourself straight after being gay, I even tried and it had a backwards effect on me. Neither can you go back in the closest once you've came out in the first place because people know. I would rather depend upon your dad's advice and live your life in a way that makes you happy.

As long as she has not abused your or anything over this (personal preference) then you shouldn't need a social worker to intervene but I do fear for you safety in that house if you are being forced heterosexual. I fear that if you speak to your mother about how you feel it would cause a big argument, so instead talk to your dad, who appears to be more accepting, about what you do for the future.

Looking at the end of your post, yes you should make her happy, but you come first. You are more important here than she is and if she can't accept who you are then that's got nothing to do with you.