The Wall

[another]

ok i keep hitting this same wall with girls that i like or just am friends with.

I hit this wall senior year in high school with a girl i liked, and am running right into it again this first year of college. This year, besides the dorms and the fact i have a few people i go out with on weekends, is feeling the exact same as last year. I digress.

Basically i get stuck at this point with any girl i like it seems i get stuck at that thing where we say hi and how are you when we see each other. Thats all, never like talk about anything else or really hang out unless its with mutual friends.

Heres where it gets redundant: There is a girl this year, i'm kinda interested in, i don't like her cause I dont know her well. I met her cause she was friends with my roommate and his friends. Anyways shes really friendly and every day stops by my dorm and says "hey" , "how are you ", or " how was your day" I go through the same motions and just answer then say "how was yours, what did you do today" blah. blah. blah.

I Just cannot, for the life of me , get passed this. Something stops me from just joking around or having fun with here or anyone. I don't know how to just get to the point where i can jsut do that or even what to do. Im starting to think im just not good with girls period, like i just am incapable of ever getting closer to one.

thanks, any advice is appreciated.

[andrew lucas]

ouf, i swear to god everyone on these forums has had relative problems as i have lmao.

yeah with the girl i currently like, when we first started talking our conversations would be very dull "hey" "whats up" "what you do today" "nmu" etc usually the spark ending quite quickly .

i'm going to try and give you the best damn advice you ever had to help you past this!

alright when it comes to girls, communicating with a girl (especially ones your interested with) i have noticed it is much MUCH MUCH easier if you have a cell phone, texting is the easiest way to get to know someone its communication on hand anytime anywhere.. if you have a phone, i can guarentee (as her being a girl) she would to, i would try asking her for her number or something.

if you dont have a phone, or she doesn't no problem.
if when your talking to her, you get the feeling like you WANT to continue the conversation but just cant find the will to proceed , because you feel what your saying isnt your place (acknowledgement of not knowing her to well or something, as you said you dont like her you dont know her to well). then thats exActly the situation i was in.

okay

1. ask LOTS of questions, girls love to talk about themselves whether we know it or not examples of everyday questions you can ask

"how was your day?" "what did you do today?" "how were your classes?" etc, etc

once you've asked basic questions like those hopefully you will learn something about her enabling you to continue the conversation an example idk

hey
-hey
how was your day?
-ahh pretty shitty actually what about yours
mine was alright (go on name some stuff you did in your day or whatever), why was yours shitty?

that seems pretty basic, but can be done in any conversation and as you can see that would of just kept going on.


all you need is one good conversation to learn alot about someone, which will it make it ALOT and i mean ALOT easier to talk to them in the future, also by asking alot of questions you learn more about her which also makes continuing conversation just that much easier.

2. since your particularly interested in this girl, and if she stops by to talk to you everyday, theres probably somewhat interest in you to, or at least something.. when you talk to her try to be interesting, make your answers or replies longer not shorter girls like attention the more you have to say to them the more they'll want to hear it.

having a good sense of humour along the road doesnt hurt either.

alright, and if your past just having a basic conversation with her, i would suggest finding out her interests, hobbies, etc and asking her to do something with you.

[Malevolent]

Originally Posted by another

ok i keep hitting this same wall with girls that i like or just am friends with.

I hit this wall senior year in high school with a girl i liked, and am running right into it again this first year of college. This year, besides the dorms and the fact i have a few people i go out with on weekends, is feeling the exact same as last year. I digress.

Basically i get stuck at this point with any girl i like it seems i get stuck at that thing where we say hi and how are you when we see each other. Thats all, never like talk about anything else or really hang out unless its with mutual friends.

Heres where it gets redundant: There is a girl this year, i'm kinda interested in, i don't like her cause I dont know her well. I met her cause she was friends with my roommate and his friends. Anyways shes really friendly and every day stops by my dorm and says "hey" , "how are you ", or " how was your day" I go through the same motions and just answer then say "how was yours, what did you do today" blah. blah. blah.

I Just cannot, for the life of me , get passed this. Something stops me from just joking around or having fun with here or anyone. I don't know how to just get to the point where i can jsut do that or even what to do. Im starting to think im just not good with girls period, like i just am incapable of ever getting closer to one.

thanks, any advice is appreciated.

There are two things you need to do in order to get passed this problem: get used to your new environment and get used to the person you have conversations with. It's not a secret that people function differently in new, unknown environments. You tend to keep to yourself more and you're less outspoken. When you get comfortable with your new surrounding, conversing with people in the new environment will be a much easier task. Have you ever wondered why it's so much easier for some people to talk to girls but it's difficult for you and you can only be comfortable around guys? It's because you have adapted to talking with guys. You have years of experience doing it and it has become natural, but you don't have that years of experience hanging behind you when talking to girls. Obviously you can't travel into the past to condition yourself, but what you can do is starting now and working on it. Just try to follow the mentality that they're humans as well. One day, wake up and say fuck it, and treat girls the same as you would guys. Once you've gotten used to the new environment and talking to girls, it will be much easier, trust me.

[another]

Originally Posted by Malevolent

There are two things you need to do in order to get passed this problem: get used to your new environment and get used to the person you have conversations with. It's not a secret that people function differently in new, unknown environments. You tend to keep to yourself more and you're less outspoken. When you get comfortable with your new surrounding, conversing with people in the new environment will be a much easier task. Have you ever wondered why it's so much easier for some people to talk to girls but it's difficult for you and you can only be comfortable around guys? It's because you have adapted to talking with guys. You have years of experience doing it and it has become natural, but you don't have that years of experience hanging behind you when talking to girls. Obviously you can't travel into the past to condition yourself, but what you can do is starting now and working on it. Just try to follow the mentality that they're humans as well. One day, wake up and say fuck it, and treat girls the same as you would guys. Once you've gotten used to the new environment and talking to girls, it will be much easier, trust me.

I get what you mean. I am actually more outspoken up here at college, not sure if its cause im forced to (having a roommate and all). As far as girls, i have not had as much communication with them cause i went to a private all boys school for high school, while there was an all girls school right next to it and i had some classes where i went there and some were they came to my school, it was limited.

Thanks for the replies and as far as lucas' post i do ask about her and all but it just feels impossible like either she keeps me at an arms length or i do to her or both of us. Im not sure if im just intimidating or something , i see no reason why i would be though, unless its cause i dont talk alot....when she talks to me i pay attention and everything, im a good listener But when i talk its always short/awkward while everyone else can joke around have fun. I dont know haha.