Your Friends And My Friends

[Junky-Kay]

Do you ever wonder why sometimes your friends bother you or you just could not understand why you could go along with them? I have a lot of friends, and they are my best friends. However, I do not like how they make fun of other people and how sometimes their jokes and stuff aren't even funny. I want to tell them to stop for a while a be a better person (Role Model), but I can't. I'm afraid that i might lose them as friends. What should I do so that they our friendship would not have to end?

[sean]

Something you can try doing is just walking away when they start insulting other people, or quietly defend the person. Otherwise, sometimes all it takes is time. They're still in middle school, right? Eventually, I would hope that they would realize that they're being immature, and stop their childish insults.

[Malevolent]

Originally Posted by Junky-Kay

Do you ever wonder why sometimes your friends bother you or you just could not understand why you could go along with them? I have a lot of friends, and they are my best friends. However, I do not like how they make fun of other people and how sometimes their jokes and stuff aren't even funny. I want to tell them to stop for a while a be a better person (Role Model), but I can't. I'm afraid that i might lose them as friends. What should I do so that they our friendship would not have to end?

Tell them to tone it down a bit. I can understand that you want to maintain a good relationship, but when somebody does something stupid enough to conflict you to the point where you're asking the internet to help, there's a problem that needs to be addressed. If they get angry enough that your relationship gets damaged, it just shows how bad friends they really are and how unstable your relationship with them is.

[Cracka]

Dude, I getcha, it's contagious to. Ever since I started hanging with school friends again I got really bitter. But hey, we're all in it together, right?

[Junky-Kay]

Yeah, I can agree on that, though i'm a caring for everyone. I want to protect those who I don't know and do know. Life is short, so my goal is to love everyone, help those who needs help, and put pleasure into people.

[Punjabi Kudi]

Originally Posted by Junky-Kay

Do you ever wonder why sometimes your friends bother you or you just could not understand why you could go along with them? I have a lot of friends, and they are my best friends. However, I do not like how they make fun of other people and how sometimes their jokes and stuff aren't even funny. I want to tell them to stop for a while a be a better person (Role Model), but I can't. I'm afraid that i might lose them as friends. What should I do so that they our friendship would not have to end?

It would be quite sad if they stopped being friends with you over you voicing your opinion that making fun of others isn't cool. Like, I would just truthfully tell them how you feel about it and go from there. You shouldn't want to hold back from telling friends what really is on your mind, and if they stop being your friend over this, it's their loss.

[Sic]

Originally Posted by Punjabi Kudi

It would be quite sad if they stopped being friends with you over you voicing your opinion that making fun of others isn't cool.

It wouldn't be the first time...

What I do is just make fun of your friends sarcastically. In my experience, all my friends use "gay" to mean "stupid" a lot, so when they say "Dude, that test was so gay!" I just respond with "Wait...like the test was actually homosexual? I didn't know that was possible..."

It usually ends with "Oh shut up you know what I mean" and that's the end of it. In the case of defending actual people it can be a bit tougher, and would obviously vary from case to case.

If you can find a way to poke holes in their criticisms of other people, you're set. If you're just going to be saying "Cut it out guys, you're being mean", you'll probably be outcast by your friends (at least that's my experience). Otherwise, change the subject to anything else. Video games, movies, girls, homework, teachers...anything.

You'll realize, after you look back, that your friends now will not be your friends at graduation. Groups morph and evolve a lot between middle and high school. Some kids will go get involved in things you want nothing to do with. Others will completely dedicate themselves to their school work. Your group of friends will ultimately depend on who you are. Not just because they've "been your friends forever".

[Junky-Kay]

I really like people, I really do. Some of you guys probably experience losing a friend right? How did you guys let go of them? To me, I feel like, i'm not ready for that step, though I really want to get something done.

[Sic]

Originally Posted by Junky-Kay

I really like people, I really do. Some of you guys probably experience losing a friend right? How did you guys let go of them? To me, I feel like, i'm not ready for that step, though I really want to get something done.

I hear what you're saying. I've never really been in a position where I'm the one leaving a group to find new friends...

I have had an entire group of friends decide that they don't want to hang around me anymore, though. I never really came to terms with that one. That was about 5 years ago.

Wait. I lied. I have been in a position where I left a group to hang out with another group. My story is a bit different than yours, though. I was friends with two different groups, and one of them basically said, "We aren't going to be your friends if you hang out with those guys." I said "See ya."

Here's what you should do:

Don't just ditch your current group of friends with the intention of finding new ones. Instead, go find your new friends now. You're allowed to have more than one group of friends. Then, over time, you'll find that you'd simply rather hang out with one group more than the other. That way you haven't actually burned any bridges or left anyone feeling abandoned or backstabbed. You've simply grown apart.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FIND NEW FRIENDS:

This is also an option. You're going to need to find ways to either deal with the problems you have with your current friends by calling them out or ignoring it. If your friends make you uncomfortable, you have an obligation to YOURSELF to stop them. Quietly ignoring their making fun of other people will eat you from the inside out. I think in your case, you're just going to need to confront them. I also don't think that will go over terribly well. People aren't very good at taking direct criticisms.

Either way, change is in order. I hereby dub thee, Junky-Kay, a catalyst for change.