Really complicated. Should I give up on him? Kinda long explanantion inside..

[ryette]

This is kinda long, sorry!! So, the guy I like found out about three weeks ago that I like him. He's a year older than me and I'd consider him a friend. He and I never actually talked about it face-to-face, only online. He said, basically, that he's "not saying no" but that he thinks we both need to decide if a relationship is what we really want, because he'll be going to college and it will be awkward during band season (we're both in the same section for marching band), and he was hurt by his last girlfriend, who kinda tore him away from his friends and now he really doesn't have anyone he can confide in. So basically, he thought we should really think about if being together would be the best thing.

The next day, we were online again in the evening and he said "I've been thinking, and I think we should just be friends. I don't want either of us to get hurt, and it'll be too weird during band...etc." He gave me some advice on trying to get over things like this, though.

The next morning, he actually called me (the only time we ever talked about this not online), and he said (through a lot of stuttering), "I haven't been able to focus on my college apps because I can't stop thinking about what I did to you and I feel really bad so...I'll give it a shot." Then, online, we were talking about how we should go about it, like if we should hang out at school or not (our groups don't hang out). He said my friends are kinda intimidating.

The next two days were okay, even though we mostly just talked online and then talked a little at school. We didn't hang out or anything, and sometimes it was awkward because my friends didn't know about him and me, so when he was talking to me at lunch they just thought he was weird.

The evening of the second day that we were "together", though, he said, "look, I don't think this is going to work after all." He gave me all of his same reasons for why it wouldn't work in the first place. However, he talked to me for about an hour about how I was feeling about all of this, and he said he felt horrible for leading me on like that....And now, he's sent me an email giving me more advice on how to deal with it when something "big" happens to you...Basically, he's trying to help me through this. But that's what's the most confusing. He rejected me and yet he's trying to help me feel better.

Now, since he and I talk so much, I tell him everything. I still like him, and I still wish that I had done things differently...like, made more of an effort to hang out with him. But I still sometimes feel like he's confused about this, too- like, he's going to change his mind again. People sometimes joke about us liking each other even though they don't know what happened between us...I told one friend and she said "Oh, I thought you two would be too close for anything to work out".

So my main question is...should I give up on him? Is it just me being stupid and hopeful thinking that he might still want to be together? I really like him, but I don't want to freak him out...but if I shouldn't give up on him, what should I do? I'm sorry this is so long. Thanks for any and all advice.

[Aguy9]

Tell him straight up. Are we going to be together or not? I have feelings too, so please do me favor and decide now. Ok, so maybe you can bring it down a notch, but he shouldn't be keeping you waiting like this.

[dragway]

how about you stop talking online and speak to them personally..

[ryette]

:/ I really DO want to talk to him about this, but sometimes I get the feeling that he's completely over the whole thing- like, even though it also sometimes seems like he's not sure.
What should I say?? I don't want to freak him out that I'm still obsessing over everything's that happened....

[tashnasha]

At the moment I'm in a situation where I'm talking to a guy online , a guy i fancy , a guy who goes to my school and is older. Oh and a guy that I've only ever said "hi" to.
But I'd never dream of dating him without getting to know him in person first. Because it just doesn't work. Even though we msn and text constantly and I tell him near-everything.
Please , if you do really like him. Get to know him as a FRIEND. And by friend , I mean offline. Who cares if your friends aren't friends with his friends ? If theyre your friends they can deal with it , and if you do like him , im sure youll be pleased to make an effort. Maybe once you are real friends , that a relationship will grow out of it. And even if it doesn't - at least you'll have some new friends.


Sorry - I've got a song in my head at the moment , and I can't concentrate at all on anything I'm typing.