reflections on last week's National Equality March

[Josh]

I didn't have any gay friends until my Junior year in college seeing as the openly gay population at my southern bible belt school is pretty small and even now I only have one gay friend and a few weeks later my first boyfriend... and there both the same person. So I was expecting the rally this past weekend to be somewhat overwhelming.

Saturday I went to a restaurant in DC, Poets and Busboys, and heard a speech by Cleve Jones. Listening to the speech and watching everyone around me clap and cheer was more overwhelming than I had originally thought and it brought tears to my eyes.
The next day though, the day of the rally, as much as I enjoyed it and as much as I loved getting being comfortable to be openly affectionate with my boyfriend in public I still had some negative feelings from it all. I felt like I was a part of something but at the same time.. I felt like an outsider. I don't feel that strong of a connection to the gay community. I just don't feel like I have that much in common with the majority of them. It's hard to explain. It's not that I have a problem with most gay or transgender people, I was there fighting for their rights as much as I was my own... but I don't feel as though I have much in common with the vast majority of them other than the fact that I'm homosexual. All my friends growing up and even now have been straight guys and I just find it difficult to ever develop that close of relationship with guys who are somewhat more obviously gay.. I really hope this doesn't come off as insulting because that isn't at all my intent. I don't feel like I'm better than any other gay person because I happen to be less flamboyent its just that I feel like I don't have much in common with the average gay man. Like I said, I have absolutley no problem with these people and firmly believe everyone should be themselves. It's just that I typically don't enjoy their company. I guess its like a straight girl who perfers to have guys for friends.
The problem is that as overwhelming as the rally was, seeing hundreds of thousands of other gay people and straight supporters, I still felt like I wasn't a part of the community.

[DoBesh]

You are not alone. Just find people (either straight or gay) you do actually like to be with. You don't have to like the gay community when you are gay, I can't see myself at a gay parade either.

[Josh]

I was bored going through old posts and I realize that I still was kinda curious about this one cause its been on my mind lately
thats right i bumped it... get over it

[cum on lets go!]

I did drama in hs so I'm much more comfortable with boys who're campy & out there but I can see where you're coming from, especially living in NC. But just remember that rallies & GLBT campus groups tend to attract the most vocal & active members of the community and aren't necessarily representative of everyone. They're definitely not "average gay" ppl. I think once you move on past college and relocate to a huge city like NYC, LA or Miami you'll find much more diversity. So there's some food for thought, especially in thinking about future plans.

[DoBesh]

It must have been a real honour for you that I was the only one to reply to your posts. Anyway, I am just wondering, does it actually bother you you don't feel part of the community? And if so, why does it bother you? Do you actually want to be part of it, or are you afraid you're not really gay, or you can't find a boyfriend? (even though you have one now as far as I'm concerned)

[Josh]

Originally Posted by DoBesh

It must have been a real honour for you that I was the only one to reply to your posts. Anyway, I am just wondering, does it actually bother you you don't feel part of the community? And if so, why does it bother you? Do you actually want to be part of it, or are you afraid you're not really gay, or you can't find a boyfriend? (even though you have one now as far as I'm concerned)

\

No I'm definitely sure that I am gay and I am in a relationship... I'm not sure what it is

[Sic]

Being gay does not mean that you need to act stereotypically gay, if you will. It seems similar to me as being a part of an organized religion. Just because you're Catholic doesn't mean that you need to visit the Vatican to witness the Papal Coronation or some other event.

It just means that you are a member of a particular persuasion. There are some gay people who will be far more closeted than others, and a lot of that has to do with both upbringing and location. I live very close to San Fransisco. Finding a closet gay who's not in their teens is extremely difficult. However, I know a gay man who works at a community college in Colorado (he moved there from here, so he's already out) and he says that he is, by far, the most "out" there. And he's not really flamboyant at all.

So, you went to a peace rally. It felt great to see people standing up for what they believe to be right, and for those beliefs to coincide with your own. That's all. You don't need to join a fan club, or show your support by painting your whole body.

If you're confident in your sexuality, and you're confident in your own beliefs, there's no reason that you should feel compelled to conform to anyone else's forms of expression. It should be enough that you know that there's nothing wrong with you, and that on top of that, you are happy with who you are.

[oritstrue]

I can understand what you're feeling. While I don't consider myself a 100% "straight-acting" guy, I have not had the experience of having campy gay friends - except for one. It's just a bit strange when you're used to being the stereotypical gay guy in the stereotypical gay crowd. However, you are probably contributing to the community even more than the gays at the rally you saw. You're defying a stereotype which is always good and opens people's eyes to all different kinds of gay guys.