Confused.

[beefycurtains.]

I think i came to the conclusion I was gay about 4 years ago, and then i came out/was outed about 1 1/2 years ago. The thing is, i was so sure..... but now I'm starting to doubt whether i actually am or not. I know it's not necessary to label yourself, but i'd feel soooosoo much better i i could...

I've been having some doubts for about 3 months now, but i think last night really triggered it. I was at this club is basingstoke for my 'Freshers' party (A college run party for all first years) and i was already on a bit of a downer since it's not really my scene (I'm more of a gig + vodka guy..). i think it was about half way through the night, and some girl grabbed my hand started pulling me and said 'come dance with me' to which i responded 'No thanks, i'm gay' and she just sorta made a quick exit. Then a few minuets after that i saw some of my mates dancing with girls and just thought 'Wow, i really wish i said yes to that girl'. i know it may not sound like a really big thing, but it was to me.. aghh, i can't really explain.. it's like the while new world had suddenly been opened to me where i could actually have some sort of a relationship with girls...

Ill just explain my attraction to both sexes:

Females: I have a very faint sexual attraction to females, but i always need to think of a guy to 'get me going', which makes me wonder if it's just the thought o sex that does it or me rather than the girls im thinking off.

Emotionally, i feel a bond with some girls, but i cant work out whether it's just a 'friend' sort of bond, or a 'girlfriend' sort of bond

Males: There's DEFINITLY a sexual attraction to males far more than there is towards females.

With guys, i tend to have a crush on them, but then when i actually get the oppurtunity o a relationship, it just all.. goes.... but then again, i'm only basing this on two guys. I sorta had a crush on my first boyfriend, but after i kissed him for the first time, i actually felt disgusted.. and im not sure why


Oo also, sorry i there are any Fs missing, my f key doesnt work very well.
thanks to anyone who takes time time to read this (:

[Joker]

Labelling does help people alot, and I get annoyed when poeple think fuck labels.

You're 16, fuck around, I don't necessarily mean fuck around, but seriously don't feel the need to be set in homosexuality, if your curious about girls even if you don't really think it will go anywhere than just do it, ask a girl to dance, get with her, get her number, hang out etc, if it don't go anywhere no harm no fowl.

But you have to be honest if it doesn't work tell her.

[Persona]

Sorry, I just had to laugh at your last sentence about the Fs .

Have you thought about the possibility that maybe you were jealous, but not necessarily in a sexual/romantic way, but just jealous that you weren't dancing? I'm not sure.....but this kind of stuff happens to me all the time. If a girl came up to me, asked me to dance and I didn't feel like or whatver, but then I saw her dancing with someone else...I'd probably feel jealous or wish I had said. It's not necessarily because of the girl, but because of the fun I missed out on? I'm not sure how to word it, but I do think it's a very natural feeling.

I think that two relationships isn't quite enough to decide anything, though the bit aboutfeeling disgusted after kissing is a bit unusual. After I kissed my first boyfriend, that's when I was 100% sure I was gay. But, it all depends on how you feel about the person.

Bottom line...if you aren't sure about your sexual attraction to females, then there's no point in worrying about it. You'd know if you should or would want to date a female because you wouldn't question your sexual attraction.

Just my two cents.

[And?]

You're kinda basing these thoughts on very loose concepts, rather than any realities. I'm struggling to explain away the reason you felt disgusted after kissing your boyfriend (unless A) You suck at it, B) He sucks at it, C) He had some kind of mouth problem, D) He was fugly), but the rest of it is fairly standard for anyone setting themselves up into a sexuality. Societally a sexuality is a firm commitment to normalcy - once you've decided, it's frowned upon to change - you rarely see married men suddenly deciding their gay (although you do see closeted men reveal their cock-sucking after twenty years). You're naturally nervous about making that kind of statement: Think of it as marriage - you're about to engage in a serious decision, and you're worried. In a perfect world, the past 5 things I just said wouldn't be true: You'd be able to change sexuality at any time, for any reason, but then again, I love orgies... so... ya know. Erm, anyway, er, yes, people get 'dug' into their groves, but as Matt says: It's actually really fucking unimportant to give yourself any label.

It might feel important to you to give yourself some kind of compartment to live in; but with time, you can learn to live with a label, not by it. What I mean is: A lot of gay people define themselves as being gay. If you ask them about themselves, the first answer is almost always: "I'm gay" - that is not how to live with your sexuality, that's how to live by your sexuality. You're a person first, a label second. If you need the second that much, you need to sort your priorities out.

Think of it this way: What specifically are you worried about؟

--Not being gay? Why would this worry you: Anecdotally, you are bound for a better life. I doubt it's this, unless you really love being gay. Note: If you love dick; that doesn't mean you love being gay.

--Something different? Bah. Embrace changes, don't run from them. If you don't accept who you are, you can never grow into a functioning person. I think it's time to just sit back and let whatever changes change.

--Liking women? Well. Clunge is great.

Collin's also covered another possibility; that you were simply exhibiting some stock sexuoromantic tendencies and being jealous of the girl who didn't dance with you, dancing with someone else.

Take the girl out of the situation: Your friends are dancing, you aren't - you're probably a little peeved at standing by yourself. No possibility of dancing.

Put her back in: Your friends are dancing, you just turned someone down, she's dancing with someone else; you're alone and could have been dancing.

Second is worse, surely?

What's important is that you realise how unimportant this is for the time being; I mean, sure, you can ask yourself questions to try to figure out what's going on:

--When I realised I was 'gay', why?
--How long have I felt confused?
--What am I going to do about this?
--Will I act on any heterosexual impulses?

But you should also remember how long you've got to figure this out. Don't rush. I've offered some advice, and so has everyone else; but I think the main piece of counsel is always going to be: Relax, and let what happens, happen, you can't force anything to change, and trying to figure it out before you're ready is impossible. You will know, eventually.

I think i came to the conclusion I was gay about 4 years ago, and then i came out/was outed about 1 1/2 years ago. The thing is, i was so sure..... but now I'm starting to doubt whether i actually am or not. I know it's not necessary to label yourself, but i'd feel soooosoo much better i i could...

But why did you come to that conclusion? Now, I'm personally one with an opinion that's fairly unpopular within the gay community: I believe that homosexuality is both environmental and innate, in a sort of 'pre-dispositional' basis - ergo, I think that unless you're 1000000% sure, 12 is too early. Now, fine, shoot me down for that; but even if you believe that homosexuality is entirely innate, surely 12 is still very early to be making a decision about something that could play such a big part in your life? Anyway, the eggs are out of the basket now; but you need to ask why you felt so sure then, and not sure now.

Females: I have a very faint sexual attraction to females, but i always need to think of a guy to 'get me going', which makes me wonder if it's just the thought o sex that does it or me rather than the girls im thinking off.

We already covered the dance .

OK; I'm assuming this is in 'Matt's special happy alone time'; if so, well, there's probably a fair number of reasons for that. 'Friendly time' is very different to 'Friendly time with friendly neighbour time'; you can become conditioned to technique and thought, so that might explain why you need what you're used to to get you 'going'. It could well be just the thought of sex: That's a good point you raise. If you're not getting a lot of action at the moment (read: None), then you might be incredibly aroused, and your body is exploring different ways in which it might be able to quash some of the arousal.

Emotionally, i feel a bond with some girls, but i cant work out whether it's just a 'friend' sort of bond, or a 'girlfriend' sort of bond

The sort of stock question is: Can you imagine kissing them/Marrying them/Fucking them, blah blah blah.. It's probably just a friend bond, because at your age, the main factor (again shoot me) is a sexual one: If you start wanting to fuck someone, the emotion comes later.

Males: There's DEFINITLY a sexual attraction to males far more than there is towards females.

Hoorah!

With guys, i tend to have a crush on them, but then when i actually get the oppurtunity o a relationship, it just all.. goes.... but then again, i'm only basing this on two guys. I sorta had a crush on my first boyfriend, but after i kissed him for the first time, i actually felt disgusted.. and im not sure why

So you're the classic case of wanting what you can't have, and then being bored of it when it arrives? Dude, have you never watched Scrubs/any other sitcom ever? You want the chase, and you want the thought of the guy: People are always disappointing, and the relationship is never as fun as the chase. That's just part of life; totally different to sexuality.

As for the kissing, meh. He probably just wanged.

Edit: Re: BoGT; Matt: Did you fuck 'em, or just sleep in the same bed as 'em?

[lovelife]

You might be bi or maybe just not fully comfortable with being gay yet. I can sort of relate, for months i had been thinking i was bi, then all of a sudden it me... you're gay! But i am still willing to hook up with girls so i dunno and it's really confusing. Hope it kind of helped but just know you're not alone.