Hopelessly Confused.

[custodis]

Okay, it's been a long while since i've asked for advice.

If anyone here has read some of my other threads, they'd probably realize that i'm completely in love with my best friend. Due to some "arguement" we had back in July, he and I have NOT been talking. This was all his decision. I Do Not know what the arguement was about. The combination of my own medication, and anything else I decide to take has caused me to black out and not remember things before, and this was probably the worst time for it to happen. Something that him and I talked about not only pissed him off to the nth degree, but made him want to cut me out all together.

Keep in mind that him and I have been best friends for years, we had spent every waking moment together for around two years. We are very close.

The other night, he drove by my house in his car. My house is on a backroad, and isn't on the way to anything. I happened to look outside of one of the windows in my house, and saw his car drive by. Going very slowly... like we're talking 2mph. I knew it was him in the car, though I didn't really see his face. He was wearing his uniform for work.

I don't know what this means. In my opinion, there are only two reasons to ignore someone on the level that he has been ignoring me.

1) He really does NOT give a damn, and is completely apathetic about me.

2) He wants to make himself believe he doesn't give a damn, and is pretending he doesn't.

Based on the fact that he's "spying" on me, I'm leaning towards the second reason.

Which makes me think, if he cares about me that strongly, it means he probably feels either one of two things for me. (sorry for another list)

1) He hates me, he's disgusted by me. He wishes I was dead.

2) Or he loves me, maybe not in a "relationship" way per se, but still very strongly. Strong enough to practically stalk me.

I don't know what's going on, or what to believe. Does anyone have any insight? And do you think i'm grasping when there's nothing.

[Wjoliste]

He might want you to see him, like he's trying to tell you to talk him. He might have the same exact feelings for you as you do for him, who knows? Try talking to him and if he shuns you still, then I don't know what to say.

[kdee]

Due to some "arguement" we had back in July, he and I have NOT been talking. This was all his decision. I Do Not know what the arguement was about.

For starters, you might want to do what you can to figure out the exact nature of your disagreement. Obviously, there will never be any hope of resolution between the two of you if one of you does not understand what it is that you are actually disagreeing over....

The combination of my own medication, and anything else I decide to take has caused me to black out and not remember things before, and this was probably the worst time for it to happen. Something that him and I talked about not only pissed him off to the nth degree, but made him want to cut me out all together.

Keep in mind that him and I have been best friends for years, we had spent every waking moment together for around two years. We are very close.

The other night, he drove by my house in his car. My house is on a backroad, and isn't on the way to anything. I happened to look outside of one of the windows in my house, and saw his car drive by. Going very slowly... like we're talking 2mph. I knew it was him in the car, though I didn't really see his face. He was wearing his uniform for work.

So you can't remember what happened. So call him. Write him a letter. Clearly, he still remembers. In anycase, the only way for you to have any hope of being good friends with him again is to confront the problem directly. It will feel awkward and hokey and corny and weird. But you need to be clear, kind, and direct.

Try this:

You: Ring. Ring.
Him: Hello.
You: Hey.
Him: Who are you?
You: It's me, _____________.
Him: Blah. Blah. Blah.
You: Hey. Let's be honest. There is some problems between the two of us. I would really like to be your friend again. What can I do to begin making things right between the two of us?


From that point, he will eithe respond positively or negatively towards your proposal to work things out. If he wants to be your friend, he will respond positively by explaining why he is mad, etc. AT this point, you need to be open minded. And honestly, if you really want to be his friend again, you may need to take a hit on this one. Admit where you might have screwed up. Be a diplomat. If you refute all of his claims for why you made him mad, you can't expect that he is going to feel like you are doing your part in making things right. Be the bigger person, and do what needs to be done in order to be his friend again.

On the otherhand, if he does not want to work things out, he will probably curse at you and then simply hang up the phone. This will be your clear sign that the relationship will probably never be repairable, and that it is time for you to give it up...

[C'est la Vie]

Well that is a bit of a rough predicament to find oneself in. But along with the others, I would suggest talking to him... seeing if he's ready to look past your argument.

Time has passed, if he's mature I'm sure he'll give you another chance.

[custodis]

I've tried speaking to him. He won't talk to me. He says he isn't ready to speak yet.

[kdee]

Originally Posted by Covey

I've tried speaking to him. He won't talk to me. He says he isn't ready to speak yet.

Then in that case, you have done all you can. Your best bet would be to completely leave him alone. Do your best not to even think about him. If you think he is stalking you, just ignore him.

The ball is in his court now. If the relationship is to ever have any hope of reviving, he will be the one who needs to take the initiative. At this point, I would probably recommend that you consider looking for new friends. Your relationship with him may be over for good. Just bear in mind that there are still other people out there waiting to be met...

[Bobby B]

Give him time he may warm up to you. just say 'hi' and be friendly, not like you're friends but friendly and he may warm up to you and realize the err of his ways.

[Wjoliste]

Originally Posted by Covey

I've tried speaking to him. He won't talk to me. He says he isn't ready to speak yet.

He'll talk. If he does this again, I could be more and more sure.