A(nother) confused teen.

[Curious Strange]

Over the past 2-3 years my hormones have been taking me all over. Since I started high school I thought that I could be gay. I felt a physical attraction to males and not females. But recently I have discovered a girl that I like. But it's...different.

When hanging with my brother or some friends, they always comment about girls. About how they like how they look. Their boobs, their butts, etc. but I would never really agree with them. But my attraction to this girl I like..I don't really pay attention to her body. I am much more attracted to her mind..

Most of the girls in my environment..I just find it impossible to relate to them in a, for lack of a better word, romantic way. I feel like they're always putting up a facade and I can't really know them. I've been told by some people that I am very mature for my age. This girl's maturity, the way she carries herself, she talks, I'm very much attracted to.

So, I guess the bottom line is, is my mild attraction to guys just some teenage hormonal lust that could mean nothing? Am I gay just because I don't completely drool over a girl's breasts/looks but am much more interested in her intellectual side?

[hightimes]

id say try it just dont let her get 2 attached 2 u and then tell her your gay. il go 2 a guy or a girl it doesnt matter i want them 2 have a good personality

[Emperor]

Hi Andrew.

I pose a simple question to you: Do you think you could have sex with the girl in question? Intimate, deep, and powerful sex?

If the answer is "maybe", "kind of", or anything that isn't definitively affirmative, then stop giving yourself illusions, you're gay. The reason why I ask this is because physical attraction is an integral part of any relationship, and you are going to get far if you two start dating and you tell her, "I'm really emotionally attracted to you." There is nothing wrong with being attracted to a girl (or guy's) personality, as long as you recognize that isn't all you're attracted to.

Lastly, please don't bring up that teenage "hormone" bullshit. The reason why I avoid P101 is to avoid stupid cop-out terms like that. If you like men now, you like men now. If you like women now, you like women now. It's that simple; no need to bring "hormones" into this.

[DoBesh]

Ofcourse it could be some kind of phase in your devolopment, it's something everybody has. But don't let the phase be an excuse for the feelings you really have. If you can honestly say you have zero attraction to girls and have some attraction to a boy chances are you are gay. Same goes for the girl, you probably only met a girl that's really nice, and you really want to be friends with. Something that might be new to you. I also know a few girls I miss when I haven't seen them for a long time, that's just because I care about them. I could never date them however, and they know that.

[And?]

What a puzzle, eh! Several things could be going on here, I suppose. You're 16, right? I think it's easy to blame hormones, but I also think it's wrong. It sounds as though you are attracted to intelligence, and to maturity, and that that isn't gender specific - that's quite an interesting thing to feel. I don't think we can discount the fact that you are most likely gay, or at least mostly attracted to males, because of your feelings for them generally. Perhaps you lust after this girl because it's seen as the right thing to do, or because you spend so much time with people who like women, or because you're exploring new elements to your sexuality.

Question: Do you like her, or her mind?

[Curious Strange]

I really do like her. I've never felt this way about a girl before. I'm always happy when I see her, whenever I think about her it's just..something in my body feels different..can't explain that. If it eventually got down to having sex with her, I wouldn't just out of nowhere..If I got into a deep relationship with her, maybe we were a year or so older, and we had protection..I could have sex with anyone I feel deeply for [in a romantic way]. To make them happy, give them satisfaction. Since my attraction to males started it has died down A LOT, to the point where it's more of a "I want to look like that" than "I want to have sex with him" type of thing.

[Zomm]

It sounds like you'd have to put in an odd amount of effort to be attracted to her beyond a platonic way. You shouldn't have to do this, as attraction just comes naturally.

That being said, you still sound gay to me. It is not unnatural to just genuinely like people for the people they are. I've felt just the same about particular girls (and it's not a bad thing). In the long run when it's all said and done, my attraction to males is one that my attraction to females just can't compare with. I'm not suggesting that we're wired the same way - all I'm saying is your story sounds much like me when I find a particular woman to be interesting.

[phantasmagoria]

While being physically attracted to someone in a relationship is a key part to keep the relationship alive, lust is not love.

If you are emotionally/mentally attracted to this girl, you might be hetero, even bi.
You are in the midst of puberty, and all I can say is wait until you're hormones calm down so you can verify with yourself what sexuality you are.

[Numbers]

16 is nearing the end of puberty, hormones probably don't play too much of a factor here. You're also assuming that this one attraction discounts all of your emotions from the rest of your life. I'm seeing a certain amount of bisexuality here. Maybe you care about her, but the idea of a physical relationship wouldn't satisfy you (beyond your pleasing her as you stated, and why many girls would love that its still not ultimately centred on you). Its not a binary choice. You can like both genders to varying degrees. I think the question is whether you're close enough to the centre of the scale to reallistically turn this into a relationship.