You probably get a lot of these but..

[Curious Strange]

Okay, I know you must get a lot of these threads about homosexual feelings but, I really just want to express my feelings and see if I can get any guidance or insight..or at least something to make me feel better

So...I think I might be gay, but I really don't know. I'm 15 (16 in about a month) and I've read many places that stuff like this is normal for teenagers. But I really think it's more than just "occasional feelings".

Like, when I hang out with my friends that are guys and we're in public they'll comment on girls like "oh man she's hot" and I just wouldn't see what they saw in her. I mean sure the girl looks nice but I don't have the same thoughts as them. Then I'd look at a guy in the same place and think the same thing (but I don't say anything).

But the thing is, I couldn't really see myself in a relationship with a guy. This might be because I was brought up in a "boy + girl = how it is" environment but...when I think about it sexually I would see myself with a girl more than a guy. Not to say I don't want to try some things but...uhm yeah

And the worst thing is that I can't even say anything about it to almost anyone in this town without being "labeled" as gay for the rest of my life, and I really don't want that if I'm not even sure..

I don't even really know what the point of this topic is...I just wanted to vent somehow and this seemed like a good place

EDIT: Forgot to put this in the first time but I don't exactly act how the "stereotypical" gay male does. I know 2 in real life (they're good friends of mine) and there are things that they do that are different, be it the way they talk or dress or whatever. But I feel like I'm pretty normal, if anything maybe a little less...for lack of a better phrase "dumb acting" as other guys, like I don't say stupid stuff or pick fights/ fake fights or whatever..just adds another wrench in my system <.>

[muumajii23]

That is how I used to be, attracted to guys but not willing a relationship. Two things: A) It's a phase B) The beginning of some form of homosexuality.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything until you are sure, but ya...

Gay people come in every form. There are some gay people I know who you would NEVER guess they were gay...

EDIT: Btw, It seems frustrating now, and it will for a while. You're a teenager, you're figuring out life, you, everything. Everything will work out in the end.

[AAASAS]

Oh you're gay.

I hate this all "it's a normal part of adolescence thing", all it's doing is confusing homo's, and stopping them accepting it at an earlier age, certainly at 12 you can't jump to gun and say you're gay, but I'd say by 13, for sure after a couple years of puberty you FOR SURE can tell if you're gay or not.

Nothing is heterosexual about not seeing what your male friends see in attractive females, whilease you get all horned up when a handsome dude walks by.

It's all societal constructs, you can't see yourself with another man cause you don't see that often, or ever, and it's not the norm, just like I can't see myself being a police officer cause I've never tried that, and have general negative views of being a police officer, but I'm sure I WOULD enjoy being a police officer.

[m_gunselman]

I had the same feelings before I accepted being gay. You'll think, "Yeah, I'm attracted to guys, but I'm sure I'll end up marrying a great woman." or stuff like that. Then after a while, you wake up and smell the coffee. While I won't tell you what your orientation is, I think you probably already have a pretty good idea.

[And?]

Originally Posted by Curious Strange

So...I think I might be gay, but I really don't know. I'm 15 (16 in about a month) and I've read many places that stuff like this is normal for teenagers. But I really think it's more than just "occasional feelings".

Operative words here being "I [...] don't know." If you don't, we don't, but you can safely assume that if there is any confusion, you're nothing, as of yet. Whether or not your possible sexuality will change at all whilst you figure out who you are, is probably unlikely, but nothing is set in stone as of yet. It's "normal" for teenagers, because it's common. I think there's a definite distinction between "that which occurs frequently" and "that which is to be expected and taken as a given". Depends where you want to draw the line. If the feelings are reoccurring, you're not straight, let's face it. Dress it up in whatever whorish vocabulary you want, you're not going to be bang-down straight.

Originally Posted by Curious Strange

Like, when I hang out with my friends that are guys and we're in public they'll comment on girls like "oh man she's hot" and I just wouldn't see what they saw in her. I mean sure the girl looks nice but I don't have the same thoughts as them. Then I'd look at a guy in the same place and think the same thing (but I don't say anything).

Couple of things here:

--You might not react the same way because of different tastes, rather than different sexual preferences.
--How do you know which thoughts they're having ?
--If you like men, you like men.

Originally Posted by Curious Strange

But the thing is, I couldn't really see myself in a relationship with a guy. This might be because I was brought up in a "boy + girl = how it is" environment but...when I think about it sexually I would see myself with a girl more than a guy. Not to say I don't want to try some things but...uhm yeah

Why can't you see yourself in a relationship with a guy? Is it because you have no frame of reference, or is there something you find unpleasant/awkward/uncomfortable about the thought? That's an important distinction, also. You raise a good point about socialisation, and that's something that's going to have played a large part on your upbringing (duh!), but as you grow out from your roots, you might find yourself more open to less traditional ideas of relationships. If you're curious, at what is basically 16, it again adds weight to the idea that you ain't a full-blown clunge-plunger.

Originally Posted by Curious Strange

And the worst thing is that I can't even say anything about it to almost anyone in this town without being "labeled" as gay for the rest of my life, and I really don't want that if I'm not even sure..

What's wrong with being labelled as gay? Outcasting? Mawkish reactions? Or the opposite? I can tell you what the biggest problem would be now: you might not be gay. Labels are pointless at best, and downright harmful at worst - especially when they're wrong. If you've not got anyone to talk this through in real life, then... you've got here. You don't need to be dependant on real friends, whilst they'll ease your emotions, soothe away your confusion, etc., chances are they'll be less well-equipped to deal with this situation than we are; having seen it a thousand times. If you've not got anyone to talk it through with, don't. Simple as that. Not until you know who you are.

Originally Posted by Curious Strange

EDIT: Forgot to put this in the first time but I don't exactly act how the "stereotypical" gay male does. I know 2 in real life (they're good friends of mine) and there are things that they do that are different, be it the way they talk or dress or whatever. But I feel like I'm pretty normal, if anything maybe a little less...for lack of a better phrase "dumb acting" as other guys, like I don't say stupid stuff or pick fights/ fake fights or whatever..just adds another wrench in my system <.>

Way too many stereotypes in there for my brain to be able to work out what you're saying properly. You're unconventional based on presumptions that straight men fight, and gays dress funny? Fair enough . You don't "need" to act in any way; acting doesn't make you a sexuality, being who you are does. If you're who you are and you're gay, there you go.

To conclude:

--We can't know, if you don't.
--Relax, give yourself time.

[blahblah93]

It's like nature vs. nurture.
You've been brought up in a heterosexual environment where heterosexual is the only possible thing, not anyone's fault but everyone has different views. I think that you probably are gay, you just have something in the back of your head (maybe because you were brought up like it) that says you SHOULD be with a woman. I think you should just see how things go, your not necessarily having to be in a relationship with anyone right now if you don't want to, the thing is finding yourself, you will discover it on your own.

[Akaricloud]

I was almost exactly the same way when I was that age. I was attracted to guys sexually but just couldn't really see having a relationship with a guy. That all pretty much changed with my first sexual encounter with a guy. Something about being held, kissed and being made happy by him changed my perspective on same sex relationships. Given I was never in a relationship with him nor did I want to be, but now I'm in a loving relationship with a guy and couldn't enjoy it more.

You're probably gay but just really not used to or completely comfortable with it yet.

I've found very few gay guys who act steriotypical. I'm not attracted to that at all nor do I ever want to be like that.

[Dark1990]

Originally Posted by Curious Strange

Okay, I know you must get a lot of these threads about homosexual feelings but, I really just want to express my feelings and see if I can get any guidance or insight..or at least something to make me feel better

So...I think I might be gay, but I really don't know. I'm 15 (16 in about a month) and I've read many places that stuff like this is normal for teenagers. But I really think it's more than just "occasional feelings".

Like, when I hang out with my friends that are guys and we're in public they'll comment on girls like "oh man she's hot" and I just wouldn't see what they saw in her. I mean sure the girl looks nice but I don't have the same thoughts as them. Then I'd look at a guy in the same place and think the same thing (but I don't say anything).

But the thing is, I couldn't really see myself in a relationship with a guy. This might be because I was brought up in a "boy + girl = how it is" environment but...when I think about it sexually I would see myself with a girl more than a guy. Not to say I don't want to try some things but...uhm yeah

And the worst thing is that I can't even say anything about it to almost anyone in this town without being "labeled" as gay for the rest of my life, and I really don't want that if I'm not even sure..

I don't even really know what the point of this topic is...I just wanted to vent somehow and this seemed like a good place

EDIT: Forgot to put this in the first time but I don't exactly act how the "stereotypical" gay male does. I know 2 in real life (they're good friends of mine) and there are things that they do that are different, be it the way they talk or dress or whatever. But I feel like I'm pretty normal, if anything maybe a little less...for lack of a better phrase "dumb acting" as other guys, like I don't say stupid stuff or pick fights/ fake fights or whatever..just adds another wrench in my system <.>

Hi,

You may or may not be gay. Some people do go through phases but as you say you are already aware of this. Personally I think that people who are actually gay ( as opposed to going through a phases ) know they are gay deep down inside. It sounds to me that you are pretty sure you are.

So first of all its completely fine to be gay, and im sure since you have gay friends you already know this.
Secondly, at your age its normal not to see yourself with ANYONE long term, gay or straight. I know when we are first discovering that we are gay it can be a bit daunting. And when you have been brought up around mostly straight people with mostly straight role models a lot of us feel that we dont want to be gay. Trust me that eventually that will go away and you will be happy with who you are. Not that you sound particularly unhappy.....but you will accept who you are completely at some point.

A lot of gay people dont act "stereotypically" gay. Its just that for the most part we dont know they are gay. Its the "stereotypical" gays who we know are gay that we notice. Chances are there are probably dozens of gay guys in your school who you would be shocked to know are gay.

Us gays come in all shapes and sizes and act in all kinds of ways. Just know that you dont need to stress about anything right now.