Optimism
This is the sequel to my last nostalgic thread, here.
Lately I've found it more difficult to remain optimistic. Life is an emotional roller coaster for me lately, and it's hard for me to explain why. My life is extremely monotonous, I go to school, I come home, I go to work, I sleep, rinse and repeat. Weekends are just work, all day.
My life can be described as between average and perfect, if you look at the book by it's cover. I live comfortably with my parents, who are both retired. We're upper middle class, just built a house, I play football, make decent money for a teen at my job waiting on tables at a restaurant, have some decent friends. I go to church (I'm catholic) every Sunday. I get straight As in school.
I'm thankful to say that since my incident(s) with suicide in the past few years, I haven't had any major depressions or streaks of dangerously low self confidence. But I've gotten very frustrated with life as of late, and this post is going to cover all the things that aren't doing me any favors emotionally.
Speaking of suicide, I want to touch on this subject a bit. This is serving 2 purposes. I'm getting this off of my chest, and I hope that any user on Govteen that contemplates suicide can look at it from a survivors perspective. :
Suicide isn't an option. It's impossible to describe the amount of lives that it will change, and how poor of a solution to minor problems it is. It's even more difficult to describe how grateful I am for every day that I wake up. Life is going to have low points, and it's the mark of a strong personality to persevere through them and deal with them appropriately. Blowing situations out of proportion and solving minor crises with a major act of violence such as suicide is not dealing with them appropriately. You're ending your entire life for one point; without realizing that it will work itself out. Family and friends are the key, and without my family, I probably would be missing out on all the things that keep my happy now.
Bottom line: Life is far too valuable to throw away. If somebody is hurting you, forgive and remember. If you work hard, and work hard at staying optimistic, then you'll find that life is actually pretty good. There are things that you can't describe, emotions that you can't fathom; events that timelessly remain in your memory. As you get through life, you get stronger, and your past experiences will help you stay that way.
Football ended, and with that ended my contact with most of my friends. I have developed a few closer friends in the time since football has started. It's a nice change for me. It's pretty discouraging when I look and evaluate our friendships, and I realize that they don't know some of the most important parts about myself. Things that I don't even want to know yet, and things I'm still very insecure about. It kills me that I can't own up to them, and let them be known, but I just can't stomach the thought of doing so.
It does help that with my past history, I've finally acquired friends that are worth a damn. However, it's really frustrating that they're all going to be parting with me in the next year. Most of my friends are a grade above me, and will be graduating. I really couldn't give a shit about anybody that is in my grade, since they're all assholes anyway.
I'm struggling to realize some important things about the workplace. I work with some very catty, two faced people that have backstabbed me countless times. I find it very difficult to enjoy my job when I can't mess around with the people I work with; because they're just being downright impersonal and heartless. I've gotten past that, I can dish it back to them, but it makes my day slower and less enjoyable.
I've been working with a girl in the past 8 months, that I really like. It sucks, she's been in a serious relationship with another guy, and get this; she's a year older than me too. Graduating in June. Going to college, far away. It's heartbreaking and discouraging. Unfair, just my luck. I could go on and on. A waitress was bitching at her the other night and I jumped to her defense. I'm crazy over her, and our personalities are perfect for eachother. I don't want to wish her bad luck with her current boyfriend; but it's all I can do to wait for a break up.
I got my drivers license a few months ago. I'm getting delegated responsibilities that are long overdue. I'm thrilled that I can be trusted with doing the things I am now, and I feel that I'm genuinely trusted.
I recently found out that I'm going to be an uncle again. I can't wait. My sister is pregnant, and her and my brother in law are having another baby sometime in the next summer. I considered my nephew one of my anchors throughout my previous depression. I want the best for them, and it's impossible to describe the joy that you feel when a 2 year old just learning how to speak tells you "I love you, Uncle Kevin!". There isn't any comparison to that feeling. I'm extremely excited to watch a new member of my family grow and mature, and I want to be the best role model I can be.
The end of this post is simple. I'm optimistic for my future. I plan to go to medical school, and I want to be a doctor. Since my incident(s) with suicide, I have a newfound love of life; and I want to do everything that is possible to preserve it. It's too precious to lose to disease, and I want to fight it. I want to go to medical school, and I want to save people. I want to be the best role model for my nieces and nephews. I want to settle down with somebody that shares my interests, and fits my personality. All of this, I need to get out of high school and attend college to do; and to sum up my entire post:
I couldn't have done any of this, if I had committed suicide. I don't know who to thank for my failure in doing so, but I can assure myself that it's the last thing I'll fail to do. Perseverance is one of the best qualities one can possess, and I'm determined to persevere.
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Good advice. Hell, great advice.
Originally Posted by James
