Alcoholism...

[~Spec~]

Boyfriend has alcoholism in his blood. His Dad was a alcoholic and so was his step dad... it's all he's really ever known. I've seen him, and once he gets drinking he just keeps drinking. To the point where he can't talk and passes out, and pees.... etc.
Any suggestion on how to best support someone through this tough time?
Any comments will be helpful

[Tabula Rasa]

Depending on your age, I'd advise you to get out of the situation. It's obvious that you don't like him drinking, and if that's what he wants to do you deserve someone better for you.

If he wants help, all you can do is support him, and discourage the drinking. If he doesn't want help, you can't force him to get better.

[~Spec~]

Well he's 25 and i'm almost 19. He wants to stop drinking, and has put up a very good effort to stop... But if he does happen to slip up again, (he has once before) i don't know what i can do for him. Should i just not let him drink past his limit... and tell him no... Or will he get mad at me for doing so? I feel like i'm stuck in the middle want to help him, but he may think of it as me thinking he's not as strong as he wants himself to be. Does that make any sense?

[Tabula Rasa]

Well he's 25 and i'm almost 19. He wants to stop drinking, and has put up a very good effort to stop... But if he does happen to slip up again, (he has once before) i don't know what i can do for him. Should i just not let him drink past his limit... and tell him no... Or will he get mad at me for doing so? I feel like i'm stuck in the middle want to help him, but he may think of it as me thinking he's not as strong as he wants himself to be. Does that make any sense?

If he's drinking, he's going to get wasted. That's what he does, i'm the same way. Some people just can't have one drink or two and enjoy the buzz, some of us drink ourselves into utter oblivion. You're not going to be able to stop him, because he's going to want it too much. Attempting to do so can be particularly dangerous for you, depending on how drunk he is and how he acts when drunk.

If he genuinely wants help, then support him. Get him into AA, or some type of program. Don't hang out with friends who drink, or at least don't hang out with people while they're drinking. Help him find a hobby to replace the habit.

But if he doesn't really want help, there is nothing you can do for him. Addicts have to desire to get better, otherwise no matter what kind of hold you have on them or however long they're sober, they will relapse.

[TISA*]

Encourage him to go to AA meetings and possibly check into a rehab facility. I battle with it from time to time especially when things aren't the best. It's something you just have to deal with, but the second step after recognising you have a problem is going to get help and doing something about it. Honestly, helping yourself is the best thing you can do.

[andrew lucas]

that sounds like me once i start taking shots i cant stop haha..

uh, well what i have to say is being an actual alchoholic is a problem, just getting really wasted when you do drink is still a problem however.. but how often would you say he drinks

if he is keeping it to weekends and what not i wouldn't really consider it too much of a problem but like you said if you both decided you want him to stop i would suggest talking to him about it more, maybe trying to set up a set amount of time not drinking, and give it a break and keep increasing if hes actually an alchoholic though its pretty hard to stop someone

[me]

you cannot make the decision to drink or not to drink for him....


not even a little. if you start tricking yourself into believing that you're going to be able to effectively steer him one way or the other you're just winding yourself up in his problem.

i am the daughter of an alcoholic and believe me you're playing with fire here- you're going to end up feeling pretty bad about yourself when you "fail" at keeping him from drinking too much.


if i were in your position, knowing what i know about my dad, i would run. im not in a position to give great indepth advice at the moment as i'm struggling myself, but i urge you to take a step back.

you only have power over your own decisions.