Eh.
In case you guys don't know, I've posted in here before. I've been wanting to post again for the longest time. Hell, I even typed out a page or two and then closed the window because I reconsidered. I'll be surprised if I go through with it this time.
Well, let me start off by saying I'm having a shit time in college. I thought that being away from my sisters and living with someone I didn't know would be fun, but all it did is make things worse. I can hardly get any sleep and I've cried every night for the past two weeks. I attempted suicide about a month and a half ago, but I didn't cut deep enough. I stopped myself from going for the second cut.
All I want is for someone to save me. I don't talk to anyone about my depression. I never have been the talking kind, but I still want someone to save me. Every time I think I've found that person, either they or I walk away, and I'm beginning to think that there is no one out there to catch me. I may just be a self-destructive idiot because I don't talk about my problems with anyone. Not even my closest friends.
I think it may help if I got a girlfriend. I've never been in a relationship, so I want to try it out before I just give up on life, but every girl I've asked out has declined. It's like I'm repulsive or something, and I don't blame them.
On top of all this, my parents are investing blood and sweat in me, and I can't live up to their expectations. They think that I am destined for something great, and I really wish I was. They are paying a ridiculous amount of money to keep me in college, and they are just wasting it. I don't have the guts to tell them that, because that means explaining my depression to them, and telling them that their son is just an incompetent fool.
I know most of this is incoherent, but I just wanted to get a few things off my chest. I'd rather tell an internet anonymous about my problems than people that I personally know. Thanks for reading.
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