cant stand it anymore

[matty88]

Basically, i hate my life and have huge constant mood swings. Im 18 and im a loser, i really dont have any friends at all except like two people. Most of the time after school i just go home and watch movies and play computer games. I go out like once twice a week to hang out with one of my two friends.

Ever since I was like 13 i have always been depressed and around 16 I started to take pills for it and then stopped for awhile and started again. But in the last year or so everything just got worse and now i have panic attacks daily, all i can think about how much i hate my life and it just a continous thought in my mind. But sometimes im happy for awhile but then all of the sudden my mood suddenyl changes and im really depressed again. Sometimes i think im bi-polar because my mood changes constantly so severaly over like 24 hour periods of time. My doctor always asks me if I have thoughts about sucidie but i alwasy said no. But i think i kind of, im not really sure, sometimes if i am driving il think to myself if i sped up and crashed into this wall i would die. I also think how much easier it would be not having to deal with how I feel everyday and sometimes I will be just looking at my pills and knowing I could OD on them and end everything. But like I dont think I wanna kill myself, its just sometimes i think about it.

Felt I should mention this too i have never had a girl friend and had one girl who I really liked years ago and when I finally got the courage to ask her out he said she was busy, and then i said about next week and she said sure. But then told me the day before that she had plans so I gave up. One of my two friends is this girl who I just met and she has a boyfriend but we have made out and did a lot of touching n stuff anyways. I really like her but she has a boyfriend, who she really likes and recently I get the impression she doesnt like me as much which really makes me sad cuz it was my goal to try to make friends this year and the one friend I made I dont think even likes me anymore.

And im failing every class im taking and cant concentrate at all, im never hungry anymore and cant sleep for shit and feel horrible all the time.

Anyways im just really confused and scared because next month is my birthday and then i wont be able to buy my pills anymore and i dont know how i will be able to function.

[andrew lucas]

i take it your in highschool still? or moved onto college? if your still in highschool moving onto college/university will be much better for you theres been tons of people to say they "didnt like their highschool years" if you really want to make friends i suggest, just try talking to people join in on conversations take interest in what other people have to say especially at your age it should be really easy to make friends compared to teenagers.

as for the girl, i cant really say anything theres alot of girls out there i wouldnt sweat over it.

as for your depression, and pills problems my best suggestion would for the next month no matter what no matter how bad things get, just keep your head up and try and improve on areas that are stressing you, (example go out, try and make friends..remember people are EVERYWHERE) and if you have alot of spare time spend it catching up on your classes reducing your stress will overally reduce your depression depression is usually caused from too much stress.

im not sure if i was any help but i tried .. i hope for the best (:

[Shreyas]

You can always try to make some new friends, You can make friends in two months by getting interested in them rather than making friends in two years by letting them to get interested in you. Join the conversations, talk about common interests, join social groups, playing some sports also helps in making friends. Meet a good therapist about mood swings problem.