I have lost my Father

[sexy brunette]

It really hurts a lot, having to compete with a woman for my father's attention and affections.

He's been dating her for over a year now, and he just got engaged to her last weekend...



He took a trip with her to Niagara Falls, which I didn't even know about until after he told me they'd gotten engaged.



I hate her to much. She's not nice to me or my sister at all, and has said a lot of nasty things to me regarding my mental health struggles. And I feel like I am losing my father to this woman.



He goes on all these fancy trips and vacations with her that he never tells me about until afterwards.



Over this past year, he's been on a Caribbean cruise with her, to Mexico, to Cuba, to Niagara Falls, to all sorts of beach towns along the Great Lakes, to Victoria...



Fuck, he even disappeared once for 5 weeks and I was worried sick because I had no idea where the hell he went. He wouldn't answer any of my telephone calls. When I went to their house, neither of their cars were there, all the windows were covered up from the inside, and the place was completely dark and deserted.



Then he calls me up at 4 o'clock one morning, and I got extremely pissed and demanded he told me where the Hell he'd been the past month. He tells me, "Oh, Shaylene and I were in Hawaii".
He didn't even tell me he was going. He said absolutely nothing about it to me. I was so mad.
I've never been any of the places he's been with her this past year. Except Niagara Falls, but the last time I was there with him was when I was 14.



He never took my mother on any fancy trips or anything like that... she says the most exciting place they ever went was to Montreal.



I never even get to speak to my father anymore, let alone see him. He's so enamored and immersed in the world of Shaylene that we're drifting further and further apart. This woman is now his #1 priority and the most important person in his life. I'm just nothing to him anymore.


Last month I actually found the guts to tell him that I hate her. He hasn't spoken to me since and refuses to answer my telephone calls.



I remember he once told me he would never let a woman come between us.



Evidently, he lied to me.



I feel like shit over this. My Dad doesn't love me. I feel like drowning myself in the Thames.

[failed_attempt]

Okay, I know it sucks, but I can't really relate to what you are going through. However, I can empathize with you...

First, I think that you and your current mother, not this Shaylene chick, need to have a talk about this and about how this makes you feel. I obviosly don't know your mother but hopefully she will understand your pain and your concerns. I think just getting these feeling out there in open will really help.

Secondly, you need to find some way re-establish contact with your father, and you need to actually sit down with him and have a conversation with him. You need to tell him how you feel without forcing blame (use "I messages"!!!). Pointing fingers is never good. You need to tell him exactly how you feel and if you haven't you should probably tell him why you hate Shaylene. If you don't feel like you can talk to him or that you can reach him you could send him an email or if you know where he is you can send him a letter with everything you need to say. Carfully write this letter, I suggest writing it one day and reading it another day. This way you can avoid saying overly hateful things out of anger. (I've been there and it didn't end well).

Lastly I would probably say that your father still loves you. It seems like he constantly chooses Shaylene over you and your siblings/mother, but he's also human. And he's probably excited that he's getting married to the second woman of his dreams, and unfortunatly you've sort of been shoved in the back seat. I honesly believe that things will work out with time. He's your dad and I don't think that he will totally reject his own children.

Don't let any of this dictate your feelings. I know it sucks but don't let it ruin everyday that you have, because I'm sure things will work out with time!