I don't know how to handle this

[Love Hope Hero]

Small story coming up.

My last girlfriend and I (at the time I was 16 and she was 15) were dating for 13 or 14 months when we went to Spain for a week on tour with our city's cathedral youth choir. At this point the relationship wasn't going to plan. We'd been going strong for over a year but gradually we were talking to each other less and less, and we were obviously getting on each other's nerves quite often. It got to the point where she hardly spoke to me in this relationship and I was getting rather pissed off with the situation and tried talking to her about it but whenever I raised the question of "are we alright?" and "have I done something wrong?" she just seemed to brush it aside. I decided that I would wait until after this trip before ending it because hey you never know - having a good time with all your mates around you and splashing around in the sea can do a world of good to a wounded relationship.

So we went. It was the most amazing trip, still, but things deteriorated quickly. Things were obviously not going well between us and the other kids in the choir were picking up on it, only one kid, who everyone seems to think is really annoying (I've got to admit, he is, although I try to treat him the same as everyone else I know) thought he'd be clever and ask me how it was going between this girl and I, and when I replied with "Not so good", decided to reply with "What would you do if I said I liked her?"

I said nothing. Kept my cool. While everyone else around was losing theirs and sticking up for me saying things like, "What's he going to do? He's going to knock you out!" which is reassuring to know I have friends who were genuinely concerned with the state of my relationship. Anyway, this guy then started spending a lot more time with my girl and they were getting extremely close all of a sudden. I got sad. I got angry. Naturally. And in the end, in the middle of the trip when we were on the coach halfway through Spain (during which this guy sat with her the whole way through), I lost my cool and plucked up the courage to talk to her about the situation when everyone went to take a toilet break.

Again, "Are we ok?" and she said "Yeah fine, why?"
Considering at this point she hadn't talked to me all trip I decided to end it there and then because I just couldn't stand a lie.

We got back home and the day after she went on holiday with her family for two weeks and I promised myself I would speak to her when she got back. She came back and didn't speak to me - she didn't speak to me for three months afterwards. She'd blank me and tell all her friends to ignore me. She's spoken to me recently but primarily to return things that she borrowed from me whilst we were dating.

But now she gives me stupid looks and won't talk to me, and I want to sort things out over a cup of coffee at Costa or something. I tried arranging with her and she was being awkward about it. I just want to explain why I did what I did and I want to just generally talk things out.

How do I ask her to, without offending, upsetting or forcing her to?
I don't usually ask for help but this has gotten me stuck time and time again in past weeks and I just want to sort it.

Thanks for advice in advance, and sorry for the stupidly long post.
P.

[Love Hope Hero]

Yeah, sorry for the bloody long post, I probably could have cut it down a bit.

I'd appreciate any help from anyone with patience to read through my problem and offer advice - I'd love them forever!

[monopoly man]

i would suggest moving on. things where broken, and getting back together wont repair those things. you may have felt strong feelings and shared great things, but you can't relive them. they did happen, and it's good to know that, but they wont be recreated. find a new person. introducing someone new to your life opens new doors. maybe you will find things you like in that person.


or you could apologize. she wont want to hear it because you probably hurt her or made her seem foolish by ending it. but maybe she is just seeing how much you are willing to be together.

i highly suggest my first addvice though and try to move on. remember, moving on doesn't mean forgeting.

[Drowl]

You should move on. There are plenty of other girls. And if somebody said: "What would you do if I said I liked her?" this to me i would punch his teeth out. Is that overreacting? I respect you dude, i truly do.

[loganjlr]

Aside from moving on, you do have the option of trying to repair it. Upon analyzing it's certain state, it seems like your gonna have a hell of a time trying to pick up the pieces. Since i'm not in your shoes, I really don't know, but ask yourself, "will it be worth it to try and rekindle the flame," or "can I restore what was once there." If you wish to move on, just remember the happiest moments in your relationships. All good things come to an end, and nothing lasts forever. Cliche? Yes, very. True? Even more so.

[Elysium]

Everyone's assuming that you want to get back together with her. That may be the case, but I'll take this as you just want to explain to her why you broke up with her. First of all, you had every reason to do what you did. It's legitimate. If I was in your shoes, I would not have been able to keep my cool and probably would have EXPLODED. I'm just that kind of person, so I commend you for that.

I think you are going about it the right way. It'd be nice if you could just move on, but it's not cool just to leave your relationship ( just in a platonic sense ) in shambles, and she NEEDS to know why you did what you did, I agree with that. It seems that she's quite bitter about it, however, and I think you might just have to let her go and be mad at you.

But if you wanted to get in a relationship with her again, then...up to you .

[Love Hope Hero]

Don't worry guys I wasn't thinking of getting back in a relationship with her.

It's just the fact that we both share common interests for which we take part in activities together all of the time, like music and languages. It's just awkward just having left the relationship and still being really good friends with some of our mutual friends, and it's awkward just being in the same room as her when we're singing.

We only started talking recently and I don't want to be in a relationship with her. I just don't want her to be really bitter about it, as she seems to be now. I want to say I'm sorry for what I did and why I did it but she just won't listen - her friends say she doesn't hate me, and that she thinks I hate her when I don't in that sense, so I'm just asking myself why she doesn't want to.

I know no-one can give an answer on why she doesn't want to. I guess I'm just going to have to find the time at some point.

Thanks all of you.
P.

PS. No I didn't lose my cool with this guy - I just knew it would cause more problems if I did.