....

[Malevolent]

.edit

[Faggot.]

So many things to say, hmm. How to structure. OK.

Dude, you concentrate too much on other people, and how your actions might affect those people - or how those people think of you. You forget you, and by forgetting you, you cannot, and will not ever, be able to help those you want to. You immerse yourself in educational texts, and forget living as you are, and as who you are. Your morals are admirable, but not commendable - you need to be selfish sometimes. You've got a lifetime of success beckoning you, if you apply yourself as stringently as you do now. Unfortunately, you might deny yourself any future happiness by focussing too hard on being better, harder, faster, stronger; all work and no play, really does make Luke a dull boy .

You've said it yourself, you ARE 15; it's a hell of a lot to shoulder - responsibility is never easy, never comfortable, and rarely enjoyable. You say you rarely express yourself; perhaps it's time to take the drive, and do it. Persistence is annoying, and horrible, but it works eventually. Words said in anger, or misery, are rarely truths, or if they are truths, they are distorted - if my guess is accurate you need to approach this person as a person, and not necessarily as a relative; appeal to their human instincts, not necessarily their maternal ones. If the former doesn't work, try the latter - something will affect the situation.

I recommend you read Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami. It's a book with a 15 year old protagonist, who enters the realm of the metaphysical, metarealities of personal and social responsibilities - he tries altruism, he tries intellect, and he tries self-pity. Nothing works; he engages in debauchery and foregoes social interaction, until he realises the futility of fighting what he has. The 'heroes epiphany' is that only by accepting what we have, where we have it, why we have it, and how we can live with it, can we ever survive.

In terms of practical advice, it's much harder. There are a lot of things you can try. You go to a good school - there should be an outlet there for your depression, and your anger; it's whether or not you are willing to allow someone such invasive access to who you are. There are also people who will be able to help you communicate with this person, giving you techniques to get the empathy and sympathy you want. Take strength from what you've endured, and try to live ahead of yourself. It's important to live here and now, but it's also important to get perspective. Love is so often shown as hollow or unpredictable - and it's something you have to ride out. As guaranteed as a cliché; nothing is forever.

Though as expected; due editing causes this thread to be worthless. Let us know if you need anything.