Help I can't trust anyone
I'm 18 years old and have never dated. I'm on Tinder right now and whenever a guy messages me I start panicking because I see it as a threat, as if every guy is a maniac that wants to kill me (literally that's what my brain tells me everytime). Just a "hello" is enough to make me start planning to run away. Sometimes I get myself questioning my trust on my friends, like, are they fooling me? Do they want to do something bad, that's why they approached me? How can this person destroy me? and other crazy stuff that I think every day. This is killing me inside. I'm always crying around because I feel like everything and everyone wants to destroy me and the things I love. When the paranoia gets extreme, I even doubt on my family. I'm not mentally healthy, I've had problems with depression, anxiety and self-harm in the past and my self-esteem is fucked up (could be a reason why I think no one is ever interested in me for what I am).
I want to see a professional because it has helped me in the past but now that I've grown older I'm embarrassed to ask my mom for help. If I tell her I'm sick, she will ask me why and I don't want to tell her all this crazy stuff. I don't want her to be worried.
What can I do? I'm desperate. Feels like I can lose my mind at any time.
I don't even know if this is the right thread and forgive me if it's not, I'm in a middle of an anxiety crisis while I write this and again I'm sorry if I didn't make things clear
P.S.: When I was 14 I started talking to a 23-year-old guy and he messaged me all the time saying he was in love, I was suffocating, but he was a good person and let me go when I told him I didn't want to get involved, never talked to me again, so it should not be a reason to be traumatized?
Re: Help I can't trust anyone
For one, Get of Tinder, delete it, don't come back to it. Believe me I've tried my fair share of "dating" apps and those people will not be worth your time and you'll save yourself from getting hurt by somebody you don't trust already.
I'm almost in the exact same situation as you, my anxiety is terrible and I worry over everything and everybody. I worry if people like me, I worry if they think bad about me, I worry if I look stupid just being around them. It's not the best feeling, I completely understand. And it's gotten to a point you've become so scared of everything you don't know if you're ready to openly trust somebody with your life.
It's a huge burden and it can ruin everything.
I say- get the help you need. See a professional (as I am trying to do very soon), the first step will always be the hardest. But from there it should start to get better, don't worry, we won't be like this forever
[whatever i had in mind it wasn't important]
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