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  1. #1
    Andi Pond Member Miss Who's Avatar
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    Default 50 States walked into a BAR...

    This is great. How accurate is your state??

    The 50 States Of America If They Were Actually People In A Bar. California Is Perfect.

    POSTED 2 wks 222 COMMENTS

    Bobby Popovic
    Content Writer
    A recent Reddit post asked users the following question: “The United States is a bar, what is each State doing and drinking?” Special credit goes to Reddit user motherboy, who is the individual mastermind behind many of them.


    Alabama
    is a fat guy with a goatee, wearing a camo jacket and a trucker hat. Despite his drunkenness and outwards appearance of being a racist redneck, he is actually pretty nice to everyone at the bar. He's drinking a can of Budweiser.

    Alaska
    and Nebraska would just be 20 drinks in before even showing up to the bar.

    Arizona
    is the bouncer, kicking Mexicans out who are trying to get in from the bar across the street. Ironically, he's drinking Tecate.

    Arkansas
    is drinking straight whiskey and asking people if they want to arm wrestle to prove how manly they are.

    California
    is constantly buying drinks for others, yet has failing kidneys from lack of hydration.

    Colorado is a beautiful, perfectly athletic couple wearing all Patagonia, drinking craft beer talking about their last mountaineering trip, with an air of aloofness.

    Connecticut
    is a rich white woman sipping a martini and silently judging all the other states.

    Delaware
    is that guy who hangs around the outside of the New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland and New Jersey friend-circle, taking occasional sips from his Yuengling and mostly being ignored, except when New York has to go past him to get to the bar.

    Florida is drinking moonshine while riding an alligator through the orange groves to the local Publix.

    Georgia will be drinking bud light, wearing a UGA trucker hat, tortoise Costa Del Mar sunglasses with croakies, solid colored Polo shirt, questionably short shorts with a UGA belt, and driving a Z71 with a Browning decal in their rear window (even though he only went hunting twice, in Jr High) and a UGA license plate frame. He went to Valdosta State University, and he works in his dad’s local business.

    Hawaii is alone in a corner of the bar, away from the other states, drinking a cocktail from a coconut.

    Idaho is drinking Keystone Light and pretending they are part of the South.

    Illinois
    is a larger gentleman, eating deep dish pizza and drinking a Goose Island. He's reminiscing about the '85 Bears and how "this is the Cubs year".

    Indiana
    is in line for the toilet, drinking a Budweiser or a Coors, checking out the ladies and thinking about how bullshit it is that you can't buy alcohol on Sunday.

    Iowa
    is sitting next to Illinois, just trying to have someone pay attention to him.

    Kansas
    is dressed in a plaid shirt, jeans and clean boots. He's friendly enough and even buys a round to get the party started. After a few drinks, it's obvious he feels sorry for Oklahoma, hates Missouri, and is hung up on Colorado. After striking out with California, him and Wisconsin get hammered drunk and sing Country Boy.

    Kentucky
    would be drinking bourbon and arguing with anybody who will listen about college basketball.

    Louisiana
    is celebrating that lack of open container laws by standing outside of the bar with an Abita Amber or a Sazerac and looking disdainfully at the drinking abilities of all of the other states. "Amateurs."

    Maine
    is wearing an L.L. Bean flannel and drinking Allen's Coffee Brandy

    Maryland
    is drinking a Chesapeake margarita. Rim lined with Old Bay. He is insisting that everyone try his drink because it's really good if you just give it a chance, but no one else seems to get it.

    Massachusetts
    is in a bar fight with New York over sports.

    Michigan
    is drinking some micro brew and playing Euchre while trying to conjure up nice things to say about Detroit.

    Minnesota
    is a pleasant guy drinking Summit Extra Pale Ale and will happily buy you one. He’s hanging out with his obnoxious brother-in-law North Dakota even though he doesn't want to but he's too nice to tell them to bug off.

    Mississippi
    is just looking to start a fight with Alabama about who’s less redneck.

    Missouri
    is in a drunken argument with Kansas about who gets custody of their strange in-between child - Kansas City.

    Montana
    has to be two different people. Eastern Montana is a cowboy drinking Budweiser and gets into a fight with Wyoming over sheep vs. cattle, but this happens every week and they make up afterwards. Western Montana, on the other hand, is a hipster/hippie throwback with dreadlocks who drinks craft beer or PBR and absolutely reeks of marijuana.

    Nevada
    is a sketchy, middle-aged balding man chain-smoking cigarettes he pulls from his black leather jacket, rolling dice on the bar counter top and drinking whiskey, straight up.

    New Hampshire
    is a skinny, nerdy white guy in a collared shirt and khakis, who also carried in signs for his favorite political candidate. He's drinking craft beer and getting into philosophical and political discussions with Vermont and Maine, but is open to talk to everyone. He is quick to tell everyone he loves himself, and humbly without arrogance.

    New Jersey
    is a man of Italian/Mediterranean descent wearing a wifebeater and track pants. He's downing jagerbombs and giving people the finger.

    New Mexico
    is the quirky but good-natured one who is getting a bit too wasted with whatever shots the other states buy them because they can't afford it.

    New York
    is an Italian businessman, wearing an expensive suit, with a perfect haircut and slicked back hair. He is talking down to New Jersey, like a father talking to a son, and he's drinking scotch.

    North Carolina
    is an attractive, bubbly blonde girl of average height with a smoky accent, who's just graduated from UNC and has taken a job teaching young kids. She is hanging out with South Carolina and Virginia, and she isn't drinking anything because she just found out she's pregnant.

    Ohio
    is an incredibly average white guy, that's not out of shape but not in good shape either. He has his sports hat on of his favorite Ohio sports team and is drinking good beer but nothing fancy. He has a family and works in an office. He can't stop talking about how much he hates himself, but doesn't leave due to his ties there, and would miss his friends if he left.

    Oklahoma
    is an obese couple who have not moved from their spots since sitting down next to Texas. They have on sweatpants, and brought in fast food to eat at the bar. They are drinking Bud Light bottles.

    Oregon
    is the hipster drinking the eclectic craft microbrew that nobody's even heard of.

    Pennsylvania
    is a cheery, pretty brunette girl with blue eyes, dressed fairly preppy. She's drinking Yuengling and making out with a handful of other states.

    Rhode Island
    is drinking Narragansett pounders and is sitting on phone books on its barstool.

    South Carolina
    is an overly drunk guy in his mid-twenties, wearing preppy pastel clothes, a sports jacket, and pants with little boats embroidered on them. He is talking about what he is going to do with his family's old money to anyone who listens. He's drinking an Old Fashioned.

    South Dakota is an older, in-shape man with long, straight black hair tied in a pony tail. He looks vaguely Native American and sits at the bar carving various little statuettes out of soapstone. He's wearing a worn leather biker vest and has a colt .45 at his hip, but despite his rough appearance many of his neighbors like Minnesota and Wyoming come over to talk to him and seem to get along quite well, often admiring his handiwork. Other states however don't seem to notice him much, passing him by without a second thought.

    Tennessee
    is drinking Jack Daniels, and watching Nascar.

    Texas
    is singing karaoke about how great Texas is.

    Utah
    is the designated driver, sipping on water and making sure nobody gets too crazy.

    Vermont
    is a guy who brought in his own craft beer from his hometown in Vermont, and stubbornly refuses to try any other beer, but is pretty much friendly to everyone.

    Virginia
    is drinking some local craft beer that their friend made at their brewery. They will only talk about all of the fancy craft beer they have drank while complaining about traffic.

    Washington
    is a pale girl, very quiet and reluctant to be friendly to anyone except Oregon. She has glasses and a couple books, and isn't drinking because she's enjoying a cup of coffee she got from her favorite place on the way here. She loves hiking with her boyfriend and watching indie movies and documentaries on Netflix. She suddenly yells at New Jersey for throwing a napkin on the floor and not in the correct recycling bin.

    West Virginia is downin' enough bud light to float a battleship, and talking nostalgically of the days when copper prices were higher.

    Wisconsin
    is drinking New Glarus while eating cheese curds, and is probably about 5-6 beers ahead of everyone else.

    Wyoming
    would be on the roof with a rifle, muttering conspiracy theories about black helicopters.

    Bonus...
    Puerto Rico is standing outside staring through the window, wishing it could join the party.

    Bonus #2…
    Washington D.C. is the bartender since it's not a state but is essential for the whole thing to keep running. Plus everyone loves it when they need something and hates it when they don't.
    http://www.tickld.com/x/the-50-state...eople-in-a-bar
    Last edited by Miss Who; Aug-16-2015 at 02:06 PM.

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  2. #2
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    I think mine is wrong we don't need to sing a song to let the world know how great we are, everyone already knows it!! ... haha jk but I guess some people think it's true .

    Great post!! haha I loved it
    Last edited by ~¤*DäNNä*¤~; Aug-16-2015 at 01:21 PM.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Mass sounds about right....

  4. #4
    Cat of Cosmicness Banned
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Very true of Washington. Especially the recycling thing. In fast food places they have like 4 different trash category receptacles and expect you to separate your trash into each accordingly.

  5. #5
    The slowest Member -Sketch-'s Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Utah is pretty accurate to me...

    Though I'd say that we would be the ones trying a sip of someone else's alcohol and then feel guilty about it...Only to have a few more sips.

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    My Motto
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    EVERYBODY
    deserves respect
    NO MATTER their looks,
    NO MATTER their personality,
    NO MATTER their beliefs/ethics,
    NO MATTER their interests,
    NO MATTER their age,
    EVERYBODY IS EQUAL!

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    Originally Posted by -Sketch-
    I was trying so hard to get it up...

  6. #6
    Professional Fortune Cookie Writer Member Spraints's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Nevada is looking good
    Click an album to play a song


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    UNFUCKWITHABLE
    "When you are truly at peace and in touch with yourself,
    nothing anyone says or does bothers you and no negativity can touch you."
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  7. #7
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Actually, funny thing, and I haven't been to all that many states, but I've bee through New England for the most part, and I've spent a good number of hours in bars with my dad

    this thing is so freakin funny, and so freakin true, it's amazing

  8. #8
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Massachusetts ROFL. So accurate it's not even funny.

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    Originally Posted by Ryan.
    Ryan: Gov is like when your grandparents see something on TV about the internet and they try to have a conversation with you about it, like "OOOOH, BILLY, ARE YOU ON THE HASHTAGS AND THE FACESPACE LIKE THE REST OF THESE YOUNGINS?"

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    Originally Posted by Trip
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    I am strictly an atheist but I call my agnostic friends 'God curious' exactly the way I'd use bi-curious. They hate that.

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    Originally Posted by Cosmic
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    Who the fuck died and made you editor of Vogue?

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    Originally Posted by SouthDakota
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    Isn't afraid - if other people know about the relationship. We had a discussion about this in GSA, and I was surprised at the number of gay people wouldn't hold hands or hug or anything in school because they were afraid of what the other kids said or did. I want to hold hands, and hug, and if anyone says or does anything as a result to either my hypothetical boyfriend or me, I will gladly introduce my foot to their face.


    Come by and check out
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Wicked cool right?

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Sox Rule! View Post
    Massachusetts ROFL. So accurate it's not even funny.

  10. #10
    Gary The Guru Member Gary_The_Guru's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Ohio sounds about right, but Ohio's easy to make fun of.
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  11. #11
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Florida is home to judgemental peeps and a lilittle forest patches.

  12. #12
    Member FridayDawg's Avatar
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    I can verify, North Carolina is unnervingly accurate.

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    14 / Male / Gay
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    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
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  13. #13
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    Default Re: 50 States walked into a BAR...

    Ehhh, once in awhile thats pretty accurate.
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    How'd you manage to stab yourself in the back?
    How'd you get your arms to bend back like that?


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