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  1. #1
    Member Christian's Avatar
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    Default Overcoming the Fear of Bringing Up "Embarassing Subjects" With Your Parents


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    First of all, thanks to GoVteen member "daemon" for suggesting this topic to me. He noticed - and I agree - that this issue has come up a number of times in the lives of our readers and was worthy of a permanent post here in the FAQs.

    We often get questions from a teen who has run into some sort of "embarassing" situation, which they are uncomfortable discussing with their parents but for which they really need help. Some of these are more severe than others...but they all have in common the fact that the person is scared to say anything, and just suffers in silence, worrying and agonizing, while a problem which might be relatively simple becomes even worse in the process.

    Of course some situations are worse than others, but the range can be substantial. We have seen situations such as the following:

    1) A boy does the testicle self examination and finds a lump.

    2) A girl notices an unusual discharge from the genitals, or experiences abnormalities in the menstrual cycle....or stops menstruating ... or hasn't ever started.

    3) A boy notices blood in his urine and/or semen, or a strange discharge from the penis.

    4) A pregnancy is suspected.

    5) A sexually transmitted disease is suspected.

    6) A boy experiences strange pain in the testicles, or an excessive or painful bend in the penis, or pain upon masturbation.

    7) A boy has experienced some sort of injury such as a ball to the crotch or a bad fall on a bike.

    8). Pimples or warts are noticed on the genitals.

    In these or any similar situations, we all "know" that a doctor's help and/or related advice is needed. The question is how to get up the nerve to say something to get the process started.

    The fact of the matter is that in these or any similar situation, the vast majority of normal parents will be supportive and will be far more concerned about your health and about gettng you taken care of, than they will be critical about anything "wrong" you did or might have done. For instance if something might be connected with masturbation - parents already know you do that because they did it themselves when they were your age. So...your best bet is to get whichever parent you feel most comfortable with...in private...and come out and tell them. And the sooner the better. It's always scary getting started. I myself once experienced what turned out to be a bladder infection...and spent an agonizing night afraid to say anything. But once it was out in the open, it was a humungous RELIEF and a load off my chest. I will therefore tell you from experience not to make the same mistake I did. OUT with it as soon as possible...save yourself the added burden of extra worrying and waiting and procrastinating.

    Especially in these areas of sexual problems, really, your parents will be far more concerned with making sure you are healthy and taken care of than with anything you might have done. After all....most parents would like to see you grow up and have happy marriages and give them grandchildren someday!

    If however it is STILL daunting to "take the plunge" here is another suggestion. Write a note explaining the problem...and then hand it to a parent....or if even that's not comfortable, leave it where they are sure to find it. Sometimes that is easier than coming out and talking about a really sensitive issue. Then, once it is out in the open and you have their reassurance, it will be easier to deal with.

    For those who truly are in unusual situations, such as having parents who are truly unsupportive or not available, try the above with an alternate guardian, or perhaps a school doctor or counselor.

    Whatever you do, never suffer in silence. No matter how embarassing or painful it might seem, talk to someone as soon as possible, and get the help you need. You will not regret it.


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  2. #2
    Member Christian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Overcoming the Fear of Bringing Up "Embarassing Subjects" With Your Parents

    Here's a recent quote from an anonymous user, one of our regular members, regarding his own personal experience of this nature:

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous
    One day, in the mirror, I noticed alot of bumps on my left testicle. After a few days they went away and I forgot about them. Then they reappeared a good amount of time later. So, as I reccomend doing, I picked the parent I'm most comfortable with, in my case, my mom. I told her about them and she said that she wanted my dad to look at them. He sat on my bed and looked at them and agreed something was wrong, so my mom made an appointment with the pediatrician. When he looked, he thought they looked like the result of a very large varicose vein and he had me get a second opinion from our urologist. This doctor agreed with him and reccomended that I have surgery, which I did, and now I'm just fine. But, If I hadn't told my mom, there was a very good chance I would have become sterile and not be able to have babies, because the extra blood down there would stop sperm, from being produced. Also, it was good that I told her while I was still early in puberty because it helped my chances greatly of recovering normally.
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous

    So in my case it was a very big deal, and it was good that I told so early. Here are some steps I would reccomend for telling you parents something like this:

    1. Pick the parent you're most comfortable with
    2. Pick a time that you are both relaxed and just hanging out when you can bring the topic up.
    3. Just tell you parent and don't wait, or it will make it much harder when you finally do it.
    4. Tell everything exactly how it is, if you leave something out, it might be very important.

    Good luck with telling your parents whatever you might need to tell them, and I hope it's nothing too serious!
    WWJD - What WOULD Jesus do? Read Matthew, chapters 5-7 in the Bible - and find out now!

    Disclaimer: I am NOT a medical professional and my posts should be considered layman's advice only. When in doubt see your doctor. Also please note: Due to personal policy and time limitations, I have set my profile options to accept messages from GovTeen Staff only. I regret any inconvenience this may cause.


  3. #3
    Member Christian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Overcoming the Fear of Bringing Up "Embarassing Subjects" With Your Parents

    Also to be considered is this information specific to England and Wales. Thanks to Verbesserung for mentioning this!

    Quote Originally Posted by Verbesserung
    In England and Wales you can speak to a doctor confidentially and they're not allowed to tell your parents about it or the content of the consultation. It would be worth noting that this should only be used if it comes to a last resort. Sometimes people are too scared to tell their parents about something that could turn out to be nothing (especially if it is masturbation/sex related) so this gives them an opportunity that they may not have known about to get it sorted.
    Edit: As of 6/3/08, I have received additional information that the above applies to Scotland as well as England and Wales. Thanks to Ajax for pointing that out!
    WWJD - What WOULD Jesus do? Read Matthew, chapters 5-7 in the Bible - and find out now!

    Disclaimer: I am NOT a medical professional and my posts should be considered layman's advice only. When in doubt see your doctor. Also please note: Due to personal policy and time limitations, I have set my profile options to accept messages from GovTeen Staff only. I regret any inconvenience this may cause.


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