Doing it for the right reason?

[card9080]

Hey everyone, I figure I'd pose this to people who have an open mind about this.
Well first the probelm: My "ex" is having some issues wih the guy she cheated on me with. These issues kind of concern me though. Mainly, the verbal abuse he gives her and I'm hoping its not physical. Since she has been together with him she has pretty much given up all her friends and really doesn't have anyone to turn to.
I offered her my help though. I mean why live life p'oed at each other? She wrote me back and I think she kinda wants it. She says she want to talk about it and stuff. Which is totally awesome because it would be nice to see her ''out of the closet'' for once.
But I don't know if I am helping her for the right reason. One half of me still has the hugest crush in the world on her and thinkin' maybe I could get back together with her. While the other half genuinly feels sorry for her and I want to help her as a friend and nothing else. I mean I know a lot of people and could get her back in with her former friends pretty easily. And should I pursue helping her or let her just come to me about it? Err..this is so confusing because 'feelings' are involved...Anyways, any hel would be appreciated.

[Jennifer_Canada]

Hey everyone, I figure I'd pose this to people who have an open mind about this.
Well first the probelm: My "ex" is having some issues wih the guy she cheated on me with. These issues kind of concern me though. Mainly, the verbal abuse he gives her and I'm hoping its not physical. Since she has been together with him she has pretty much given up all her friends and really doesn't have anyone to turn to.
I offered her my help though. I mean why live life p'oed at each other? She wrote me back and I think she kinda wants it. She says she want to talk about it and stuff. Which is totally awesome because it would be nice to see her ''out of the closet'' for once.
But I don't know if I am helping her for the right reason. One half of me still has the hugest crush in the world on her and thinkin' maybe I could get back together with her. While the other half genuinly feels sorry for her and I want to help her as a friend and nothing else. I mean I know a lot of people and could get her back in with her former friends pretty easily. And should I pursue helping her or let her just come to me about it? Err..this is so confusing because 'feelings' are involved...Anyways, any hel would be appreciated.

If there is abuse of any form (verbal or physical) you need to talk to her somehow. Explain you're concerned and want to help. It sounds like she does want to talk so take the time to talk to her. Don't try to get back with her just yet, just try and help her with one thing first. If her boyfriend is verbally abusive, you need to help her either get away from the guy or explain how the guy is hurting her and let her decide what to do. If the guy is really obsessive and doesn't want you talking to her, you'll have to find a way to talk to her or get another girl to talk to her.

[420]

Stay far far away from her! I don't want to sound unsympathetic, but trying to remain friends after a split is way too difficult. Neither you nor she can truly see reality for what it is since your emotions for each other and your past history cloud everything. It could be that the other guy is a D!ck and yells at her, but it could also be your perception of what she's saying.

don't be sucked back into a quasi-relationship with her where you don't know if you're supposed to be her friend, lover or guardian. It just causes lots of heartache in the end.

The best thing you can do for her is to talk to her chick friends and see if they can help out and lend a hand.